The Family That Eats Together…

Does your family sit around the table every evening with a healthy home cooked meal while chatting calmly about your days?If you don’t, you’re not alone. The more common reality for many families is more like rushing home from work or after school activities, trying to get something healthy for dinner on the table while needing to attend to homework or that extra work email. Of course, there are also cell phones, computer and television screens distracting both kids and adults.Despite these daily realities, there are opportunities for us to establish some mealtime rituals with our children. A host of recent research says family dinners have positive effects on your children. Aside from better communication and family bonding, family mealtime can even help lower rates of childhood depression, pregnancy and substance abuse and raise children’s vocabulary, self-esteem and academic success.

Realistic Expectations

Start setting habits for family mealtime when your child is young. Consider what’s realistic for your schedule and your child’s age and personality.

• Expect a mess! When young children are first learning to eat by themselves or sit at the table there will be spills and messes. Prepare for it:
  • Consider putting down a tarp, shower curtain or towel under where your child sits for easy clean up.
  • Have a washcloth handy for sticky hands and face. Make a game of cleaning them up.

• Use your child’s mishaps to teach or reinforce eating skills.

• Praise your child when they are successful like when they drink out of a cup without spilling. Teach them to put their cup in the "no spill zone" (between 10 and 2 above their plate).

• Consider how long your child can successfully sit. Don’t make them sit there for longer than they can tolerate.

At The Table

• Talking around the table is part of what makes family dinners so great, but make sure your child isn’t interacting so much that they forget to eat.

• Don’t get into a power struggle over a particular food.
  • Children, like adults, have food likes and dislikes. Try a variety of healthy foods and age appropriate portions and textures.

• Have your child try new foods. Don’t force them to eat things they object to, especially if they are happy eating a different healthy choice.  But offer a wide variety of foods - you might be surprised what they like!

• Children’s tastes develop and change. After some time passes, ask them to try a food they previously rejected.

• Use different colors, shapes and sizes of food to spark your child’s interest.

• Don’t force your child to eat everything on their plate. If they have eaten a sufficient amount of healthy food, let them decide if they feel full. Helping your child to learn to follow what her body needs is setting her up for good eating habits for life.

• Read books about food and farms. It’s a good way to introduce your child to different foods and get them excited about trying new things.

• Talk about the cultural or family significance of particular foods.
  • Is this your great grandmother’s recipe handed down?
  • Was this your favorite food growing up?

Patterns

Set specific times to have a meal together that works with everyone’s schedule and set routines for before and after meals:

• Before dinner: Screens off at 6. Wash hands. Child puts out silverware. Dinner at 6:15.

• Avoid snacks, including drinks (milk, juice) within an hour or so of mealtime. Even healthy snacks can interfere with dinner eating.

• But make sure your child has a good snack earlier in the day so they don’t get hungry and cranky waiting for dinner.

• After dinner: Dishes in sink, homework, playtime, brush teeth, read books then bedtime.

Benefits

Help set the stage for getting the most out of mealtimes when your child is young. They can learn about responsibility, social interactions, manners, motor skills, independence, healthy self-care and even math!Wondering how? Your child can:

• Say please and thank you when asking for food.

• Pour drinks for themselves or fold napkins (motor skills).

• Make decisions -- would you like carrots or celery?

• Talk about feelings and experiences.

• Learn to listen to others and wait their turn to talk.

• Learn about shapes and sizes (math):
  • May I have the bigger piece?
  • I like the sandwich when it’s cut into triangles.

As your child grows, their involvement with mealtime should too. Older children can:

• Help with cooking.

• Sit at the dinner table for longer periods.

• Have more in-depth conversations and address social or political issues.

Power Struggles

Setting realistic expectations and having routines will help avoid power struggles, but children may still try to use refusing to eat as a way of getting attention or asserting control.

• Try not to engage in frequent back and forth negotiations. Give choices when possible.

• Have clear, age appropriate rules and limits. Make sure there are not too many.

• Have clear consequences when rules are broken and enforce them calmly and consistently.

• Look for times to praise your child and be attentive to their experiences:
  • You set the table on your own.
  • You poured your water into your cup.
  • Who else did you sit next to in circle time?

Family, Food and Fun

In our hectic world, it might feel challenging to have family meals together. But prioritize at least a few days a week for family mealtime and start when your children are young. You’ll give them a healthy start towards eating, build positive family communication and so much more. So enjoy your meals and time together! This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors, Tova Stabin, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz and consultant Jay Thompson (andupdatemywebsite.com).  Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org

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