Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

BabyElementary School-AgeToddler & Preschool
Written By Guest User

It may not be “lions and tigers and bears,” but even happy and secure kids have fears or anxiety at different stages and ages of childhood.Some amount of fear is a normal and needed. Fear can protect us from danger – if we didn’t fear walking into traffic, we might get hit by a car. Performers often use a little bit of “stage fright” to get their adrenaline going.

What are they afraid of?

Children’s fears vary and can come and go. Of course, your child is an individual, but there are some typical fears many children have.Infants and Toddlers

  • Strangers
  • Being separated from a parent
  • Loud noises
  • Unexpected movements

Preschoolers

  • Clowns or people with masks on
  • Ghosts, monsters, dragons or other imaginary creatures
  • Nighttime
  • Darkness
  • Dogs, cats, snakes, spiders or other animals

School Aged

  • Weather “events” – storms, tornadoes, thunder
  • Scary images from movies, TV shows, computer videos
  • Doctors or dentists
  • Anger or criticism, especially from people in authority
  • Social fears – groups of people, embarrassment with peers, etc.
  • News reports of violence, fires, war, discrimination, etc.

What To Do?

Parents can help their children learn how to respond to and cope with fear and anxiety. There are preventive things you can do to help your child be less fearful and anxious generally and things you can do “in the moment” when they are feeling fearful.

Attention and love

  • Hugs, singing, reading and telling stories are great ways to establish strong bonds and open communication that will help when fears do come up and helps lessen anxiety in general.

Communicate

  • Don’t assume you know what your child is afraid of. Ask questions!
    • You may think your child is afraid of a dog biting them, but instead they are afraid the dog will knock them over like they’ve seen happen to a friend.
    • Younger children may not be able to verbalize their fears. Have them point to a picture or look for non-verbal ways to discover the specifics, like facial expressions or clenched fists.
  • Explain what is real and what is imaginary. Children at different ages understand this to different extents.
    • Point out what is pretend vs. real during pretend play. It can help prepare children to understand that “monsters under the bed” are pretend too.
      • We had fun being pretend fire fighters. Tomorrow let’s walk past the fire station to say hello to the real fire fighters...
  • Explain “how things work.”
    • Afraid of storms? Give your child age appropriate facts about what causes storms.
    • Find books about the weather to read together.
  • If it is about fear, rather than real danger, reassure them that they are not in danger and that you are there to help and protect them.

Predictable routines

  • Routines help with fear and anxiety at any age, and can be particularly important for toddlers and infants.

Breathing, meditation, relaxation

  • Teach your child relaxation techniques:
    • Make their body stiff and then let it be floppy.
    • Take long and deep breaths or other breathing exercises.
    • Do simple meditation practice.
  • Practice these types of techniques often. When something fearful does happen, your child will have some ideas about coping. Parents benefit from these techniques too!

Positive self-talk

  • Have your child practice saying out loud “I’m strong,” or “I’m calm.”
  • Praise your child for facing fears so they build confidence in their coping skills.

Small steps

Help your child take small steps towards coping with their fears.  Don’t force them into anything they are truly terrified of, but exposures to small doses of something they are afraid of can help them understand their fears and increase their confidence in themselves.

  • Afraid of the dark?
    • Hang out in a cozy dark place with a lantern. Cuddle and read a favorite story. Have your child get used to a bit of darkness and build positive associations.
    • Get a night light.
    • Have your child practice turning lights off and on so they can feel some control over the darkness.
    • Get your child their own “cool” flashlight.
  • Afraid of dogs?
    • Know a small calm dog they could be in the same room with while they sit by you to see it’s okay?
    • Don’t force your child to interact if they aren’t ready.
    • Teach them dog “signals” – dog wagging their tail means they are happy.

What’s Your Child Ready For?

Young children afraid of monsters may not be ready for a “rational” discussion about why there isn’t really a monster.They can, however, sometimes be reassured if you check for monsters under the bed before they get in bed or if they have “anti-monster spray” available.

Parent Involvement

Balance is important in dealing with your child’s fears and anxiety. Take seriously and affirm your child’s specific fears or anxiety, but also give them confidence that they can successfully cope with them.

  • Afraid of big groups?
    • Try a group a little bigger than usual.
    • Give positive feedback for effort.
    • Remind them of the positives--- they get to play music or meet a friend.

Take note of your own fears and anxieties and how your child reacts.

  • Are they afraid of crowds because they see your anxiety?
  • Address your own fears and watch for signs that your children are picking up on them.
    • Tell them what you do when you are afraid. "When I walk through a big crowd, I take a deep breath, smile, and hold your hand."

Daily Disturbance

A certain amount of fear and anxiety is normal, but if  your child has so many fears or anxieties that it often or always interferes with daily life, they might need outside help. Talk with a pediatrician, a teacher or other professional for ideas about where to get help.

Don’t Be Frightened!

Don’t be afraid of your child being afraid! It’s a normal part of life and can protect us from danger or provide needed energy. Affirm your child’s fears and help them face them, give them lots of love and support, and remember it’s always good for children, as well as parents, to learn to take deep calming breaths! It’s a de-stressing life skill they can use in many settings! This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors, Tova Stabin, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz and consultant Jay Thompson (andupdatemywebsite.com).  Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org

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