Your Child – One of a Kind

Every child has a unique way they react to the world around them.You might have heard babies are fussy eaters or always wary of strangers, but your child eats everything and loves new people. Of course, it’s important to know about general developmental milestones, but each child reaches them in their own way and time.

Temperament

Your child’s temperament is not something your child chooses, but rather who they are. Temperament affects behavior. Temperament generally includes:

• Emotions

  Even as infants, some babies cry and laugh loud and long, while others seem almost pensive whether taking a bath or hearing a story.

• Change

  Managing change is something many children (and adults) can find challenged by, but there is a range of reactions in dealing with change. What’s it like when you your child needs to change from being at a play date to going home? Is your child excited or distressed if you change breakfast cereals?

• Energy

  Even infants can have vastly different energy levels generally or at different times of day. Does your toddler play and chat all day at daycare and come home and do it some more or do they need down time daily? Your child may have lots of energy in the morning, but little in the evening.

• People

  You’ve probably heard people say they are “people people” — or not.  Some children love to be around people all the time, while others, even when very young, are shy or need time away from groups of people.

• Patience

  Is your child happily occupied waiting for you make another pancake? Does he get extremely frustrated with the blue shirt when the red shirt is in the wash? Each child has different amounts of patience or frustration.

If you look for certain patterns in your child’s behavior, you can get a good idea of their temperament. Knowing your child’s temperament helps you parent. You’ll be able to help your child deal with their emotions, people and change in healthy ways. You’ll also learn to avoid situations that might cause frustration for both of you.

Temperament Isn’t Everything

Temperament greatly affects your child, but environment also plays a role.  For example, if your child is “naturally” cautious in new situations, there are ways to help them have more confidence and feel safe. You can, for example:

• Stay close and hold their hand or have them sit on your lap.

• Have them bring a favorite stuffed animal or toy to hold.

• Don’t force your child if they are extremely anxious. Negative experiences can make it harder in the future.

Once your child has some positive experiences, they can start to feel more confident, even if it’s not their natural temperament.

Good for the Goose, Good for the Gander

Some traits are stereotypically assigned as positive for one group and negative for another. When boys run around and are loud, some say “boys being boys,” while girls can be reprimanded for being “too wild.” Boys that look at books quietly may be told they need to be more active. Judging a child’s behavior based on gender or other identity can stifle their natural temperament. Encourage and support your child to be who they are.

Understanding Values and Culture

Families can have different values and views about children’s behaviors, as do Individual racial, ethnic, religious and other cultural groups. Consider how your family and cultural values influence how you see your child’s behavior.

Perfect Children, Perfect Parents, Perfectly Impossible

There is no right or wrong temperament and there is no perfect parenting that can radically change your child’s fundamental way of being.Of course, certain temperaments may be more challenging generally and some temperaments may be more or less challenging at different times and at different ages.You may also struggle if your child’s temperament is very different or similar to your own.

• If your child is shy, but you thrive on being around big groups, it might be hard to understand what your child needs.

• If you are very shy, it may be hard to help your child overcome their fear of large groups. Her shyness might also bring up painful memories from when you were a shy child.

Understanding the challenges will help you find ways to guide your child. And even challenging traits can have a joyful side. The intensity of your child’s emotions may feel tiring at times, but at other times those big long laughs will bring a smile to your face.

Encourage Your Child To Be Who They Are

Knowing your child’s temperament, and your own, can help you be a better parent. You can’t change their basic temperament, but you can give your child support for who they are, provide positive experiences and help them learn to manage and enjoy the world around them, no matter their temperament.And if you find yourself challenged, connect with other families. Share this post on Facebook and ask other parents about their children’s temperaments. You can support each other and learn together to enjoy exactly who your children are. This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors, Tova Stabin, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz and consultant Jay Thompson (andupdatemywebsite.com).  Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org

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