7 Guidelines for Good Listening

It can become easy to tune out the constant comments, questions, and requests from your child when they start to sound like white noise in the background of your daily activities. While some times it may seem like enough to give them an occasional “uh-huh, yeah, that’s great honey” as a response, it is important to realize taking the time to actively listen and communicate with your child will lead to positive interactions and experiences together. These are some guidelines for good listening, including some specific actions you can take to improve the communication between you and your little one.Make the decision to listen: This may seem obvious, but conciously making the decision that you are ready to focus on listening already makes you a better listener. It will take some effort!Take the time to listen: Timing is important when sharing and listening to information. Not every minute is the best chance to have one-on-one time, so if now is not the ideal time try making a “listening appointment.” A “listening appointment” lets your child know that what they have to say is important, but also that you want them to have your full attention when you hear about it. Try to make “listening appointments” as soon as possible during the same day and make sure you keep your appointment!Get on their level: It is important to be on the same level as your child while you talk, both physically and in the language you use. Try kneeling on the floor with them, lifting them up to sit on a counter, or sitting together on the couch. This will change the power dynamics so neither person feels more or less in control of the conversation. This also shows your child that you are available to talk and open to what they have to say.Show that you are listening through body language: Non-verbal communication is very important while listening. Make eye contact with your child and keep your body positioning open. For example, try to keep yours arms uncrossed or relaxed and avoid facing away from them while they talk to you.Allow your child to openly share their feelings: Even if you don’t agree with your child’s claims or point of view, it is important to accept that this is how they are feeling right now. Feelings are real and valid for them and these feelings are not good or bad, right or wrong. They are simply true for them. Try hard not to interrupt, give your opinion, or cast judgment while they are explaining themselves.Be responsive: While you don’t want to interrupt or direct the conversation, it is helpful to nod your head or vocalize that you are listening carefully with simple sounds like “mmmhmmm”. When they take a break from talking, you can also summarize what you think your child is saying to check your understanding. Example – “so what you’re saying is…is that right?” “In other words…is that what I’m hearing?” If you’re not on track, your child will help you understand.Ask friendly questions: Ask questions that will help your child to clarify their responses or explore something further. It is important that you don’t try to lead the conversation in the direction you want it to go, but to let the child guide the discussion. Be careful not to steal the focus of attention or push your own point of view on them through the questions.You can show your child that you care about and understand their feelings through your interactions. Good, positive communication between parent and child will lead to improved brain development, increased mutual trust and respect, and a future of healthy relationships in their life. Sometimes truly listening is the hardest thing to do during communication, however learning to be a good listener can be one of your most powerful parenting tools and it is well worth the effort. Good listening takes practice, so try some of these tips with your little one today!The information in this article is adapted from the Parenting Now! curriculum.