To Risk or Not To Risk – That is the Question
Perhaps you don’t always call it risk, but risk starts at birth and continues throughout your child’s life. You and your child are consciously or unconsciously taking risks when:
- You move your child from a crib to a bed.
- Your child lets go of the coffee table and stands on his or her own.
- You choose a preschool and leave your child there without you.
Letting your child take risks is an important part of their development. It helps your child to grow and to handle challenges.It can be hard and scary, as well as exciting, to let your child take risks. As they grow, there will be more risks as they gain independence. If every time your child takes a risk, from climbing at the playground to talking to a new friend, you exhibit nervousness, intervene, or hover over them they may become hesitant to take any risk, as well as lose self-confidence and needed experiences.Of course, not every risk is appropriate for every child. It’s obvious some risks don’t make sense – you wouldn’t let your four year old drive the car, but other risks can be fun – like trying to skate. The problem is that it’s not always clear which risks are best for your child. Every parent can use guidelines!
Know your child and yourself
Children and parents usually fall somewhere between those who love taking lots of risk to those who avoid it at all costs – risk averse.
Risk taker
Some children love the thrill of risks, which could mean they need a lot of guidance. Trying a “scary” ride at the county fair is not the same as jumping into the deep end of Amazon pool without knowing how to swim. Risk takers need you to put on the brakes sometimes.
Risk-Averse.
Some children need encouragement to take more risks. Is your child afraid to get in the wading pool even with water wings and you by their side? Start small. Give your child lots of support when they take a risk, even if there are some “negative” consequences – taking the risk is important, not whether the consequences are all positive.Biology isn’t everything! Your child (and you) may have a natural inclination towards being a risk taker or being risk averse. However, experience is also a key factor. With experience, your “natural” risk-taking child can learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy risks. Your risk-averse child can learn to feel comfortable taking more risks.
How to decide what risks are okay
Type of risk
- Physical, emotional, intellectual, social or some combination.
Benefits
- Does this risk increase their self-confidence, assertiveness or physical coordination and strength? Taking measured, age-appropriate risks help children learn the difference between safe and potentially dangerous situations.
Likelihood of consequences
- Your child has been doing great on the swings with a little help. It’s likely they won’t fall and get hurt if they do it on their own.
Possible negative consequences
- If I let my child go down the slide on their own, they could fall and scrape themselves.
- If I let my child ask their friend to come over and play, they could get rejected and be hurt.
“Negative consequences” as learning opportunities
- Your child took the risk to ask a friend to come over and play. Her mom said not today, maybe another time.
- The experience, the risk he took, taught your child flexibility -- things don’t always happen exactly when you want them to, but they may happen at another time.
- Helping your child deal with “hard feelings” is helping them learn a needed life long skill.
Evaluate
- How did it go?
- Is your child ready to take more risks or is it time to slow down a bit?
- Evaluate your actions and reactions too.
Discrimination and Risk
Understanding risk can be particularly important in families who experience discrimination because of race, ethnicity, religion, economic status, disability, sexual orientation, gender or more.Children (and adults) need to feel confident to take risks to disagree with stereotypical images or respond to discrimination from individuals and institutions. It’s critical to assess the risk of different situations. While circumstances vary, responding to a teacher, for example, who uses racist language can show your child it can be worth the risk to speak up. If you and your child are in an empty public garage and a group of men threaten you with sexist and racist slurs, ignoring them and driving away is likely safer than risking confronting them. These are challenging complex situations to explain to children, but research shows that even very young children are aware of discrimination.Make sure you have support to help you navigate these difficult issues.Take a Worthy Risk!Taking risks helps your child’s brain and body grow. It helps them become independent and thriving children and adults. With your help and encouragement, they’ll learn to not only take risks, but also how to answer the question of “to risk or not to risk?”
Triple P - Positive Parenting Program
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