How to Stress Less

Stress is usually the body’s response to a demand for change, and parents of young children are constantly dealing with challenging demands on their time, patience, energy and imagination. Learning to notice and reduce our stress is like preparing the soil in a garden in order to grow an emotionally healthy family. Taking time to deal with your stress and your feelings lays the ground for a flourishing child and family.Managing stress is important because:

• The way we handle stress affects our children and is a model for our children.
• We have less anger and more patience with our children.
• We can “be there” more with our child, noticing how they are feeling and what they are experiencing.
• When we know and regulate our own feelings, we can more easily teach our children to do the same
• We improve our family environment reduce negativity

When we manage stress, we still experience it but we recover more quickly and we learn to reduce or prevent our stress responses in situations that are not dangerous. The first step is to notice our own personal signs of stress (both physical and emotional signs), and the second step is to learn how to reduce our stress level before it gets out of hand.Stress Busters:1. Take three deep breaths and count to ten. Inhale and exhale forcefully. Deep breathing clears the head, and it can help reduce negative feelings and emotions.2. Step back. By simply moving back a few steps physically, we detach ourselves from the situation just enough to gain a little perspective.3. Add a little humor.Sometimes, stressful situations have a humorous element. Laughing is a gift we can share with our children. It diffuses tense emotions, reduces stress, and helps us to relax.4. Get moving.  When children are being grouchy and complaining and you feel your stress level building, throw up your hands and say “OK, everybody, let’s take two laps around the house! (Also can be jumping Jacks, rolling on the grass, etc.)5. Take a parent time out. Be sure that your child is safe, meaning that he or she will not be in danger of getting hurt or be able to get into things that will further raise your stress level. Then remove yourself from the situation. Take a few minutes to collect yourself and come back with a fresh perspective.When we deal effectively with our stress and are relaxed, balanced, and feeling good about ourselves:

• We teach our children valuable life skills of identifying our feelings through our behavior
• We are models for our children on how to handle their own feelings and stress.
• It is easier for us to see our children as people and understand the world through their eyes.
• Our problem solving skills are sharper, and we are less likely to take our children’s behavior personally or as a reflection on us as “good” or “bad” parents.
• We have more energy and ideas for relating to our children positively and can appreciate them more.

All parents, and children, deal with stress, so it is important to realize that all of us need help and support in taking care of ourselves to avoid high stress. Some suggestions for creating a stress-less attitude in your home include:

• Each person signing a commitment to do one enjoyable, nurturing activity for themselves each week.
• Creating a Stress Kit that all family members can access with things like a stress ball, tissues, paper and pencil to write down thoughts and emotions, a funny book,
• Maintaining one room or area as a Calm and Quiet Space where the stressed family member know they should go when feeling stressed, angry or overwhelmed.

 This article was adapted from information included in the Parenting Now! curriculum.