How to Help Your Child be a “Good Sport”

Elementary School-AgeTeens & Tweens
Written By Guest User

The Pressure to Win

You’ve heard people say, “It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.” But in today’s world, there is much social and media pressure for children, and adults, to “win” in sports, academics, the arts, socially and everywhere else. You can help your child be a humble winner and a graceful loser.

Your child may react strongly to the pressure to win:

  • She might have a meltdown if her team loses on the ball field. She may not be able to see she really improved since the last game.
  • He may brag too much if his team won, even if the other team had fewer players.
  • They may refuse to participate in anything that they don’t feel they can win at, or at least excel.

If any or all of these are true for your child, they may have what is sometimes known as “sore loser syndrome.”

7 Ways to Prevent "Sore Loser Syndrome"

There are steps you can take to prevent your child from “sore loser syndrome” and being overwhelmed by losing. And there are ways to help them if they do react strongly to the pressure to win.

1. Start early

  • Everyone lets their child win at cards, a board game or a race to get inside the house first. But don’t do it every time! It’s okay for your child to lose at Go Fish occasionally.
  • Learning to lose and manage the feelings that come up will help your child deal with the inevitable losses they will experience throughout their childhood and their lives.
  • Being a graceful loser is an important life skill. It will help your child keep friends. He may even learn to encourage others when he sees them struggle in a game or sport.

2. Affirm feelings

  • Don’t brush aside your child’s feelings of disappointment or sadness with expressions like “it’s just a game.” Let them know that how they feel is okay:
    • “You tried hard to hit the ball. It can be frustrating when you try hard and can’t make it work the way you want to.”
  • Give your child support for dealing effectively with feelings.
    • “You drew a picture about feeling sad about not winning today’s game. You know what to do to feel better when you are feeling sad.”

3. Show them how to win or lose

  • You can also encourage your child to enjoy participating in a variety of activities regardless of their skill level.
  • Let your child see you struggling to learn a skill. Talk about how you are going to practice and practice until you improve.

4. Learn from loss

  • Let your child know how they can improve:
    • “You didn’t hit the ball this time. What can we do to improve your chances of getting a hit next time? Let them come up with solutions.  

5. Emphasize the positive

  • Help your child find balance. Let them know that we all have different skills for different things.
    • “You didn’t hit the ball this game, but you caught the ball twice when you were in the field. You really know how to catch the ball.”     
  • Make sure to let your child know you recognize even so-called small successes, especially with young  children:                   
    • “You made it to the top of the play structure. YAY.”
    • “You knew exactly which card to ask for” (when playing Go Fish)

6. Put things in perspective 

  • If your child is hesitant to participate because they can’t “win” or “be the best,” encourage them to participate in activities they really enjoy.
    •  Give them support for working hard or being willing to participate, even if they are not “the best.”
    •  Emphasize enjoyment – “You sure laughed a lot when we were playing cards.”
    •  Emphasize effort -- “I can see how hard you were trying to hit that ball. You were really watching carefully."

 7. Use your words

  •  Instead of talking about “winning” and “losing,” try focusing on the process. Use words like:
    •  Opportunity
    • Growth
    • Learning
    • Effort
    • Working Hard
    • Enjoyment
    • Fun

How About You?

How do you deal with loss and disappointment? Do you scream and cry not only when you didn’t get the job you really wanted, but also when your canned fruit didn’t get a ribbon at the county fair or when your child’s soccer team didn’t win?If you realize you are having a hard time dealing with loss, take the opportunity to make some changes. Not only will you benefit, but your child will also benefit from seeing effective ways to deal with losing. When your child sees you coping with hard feelings, they learn how to cope with their feelings.How you react when your child loses also influences how your child deals with and feels about losing, whether on a sports field, at school or at family game night.

Feel the Best - Win or Lose

Start practicing with your child early and they’ll see that losing can be disappointing, but it’s not everything and everyone experiences it.If your child is starting to have “sore loser syndrome,” affirm their feelings of disappointment when losing, but also provide them with perspective. Remind them they can improve, no one can be the best at everything, and sometimes having fun makes participating worthwhile. And, don’t forget to check in with yourself about how you react to winning and losing.

Sports Opportunities in Lane County

Looking to get your children involved in Sports? Check out these local organizations!

 This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors, Tova Stabin, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz and consultant Jay Thompson (andupdatemywebsite.com).  Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org

 

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