Fatherhood: Balancing on the Tightrope of Work and Family
More fathers are taking or want to take a more active role in parenting. According to Time Magazine, “…65% of dads see their role as both provider and caretaker, and 85% aspire to fully sharing parenting with their spouses (however, only about 30% report that they do so).”Despite these changes, fathers can still feel pressure to be the main financial providers for their families. They may not always get support to be nurturing caretakers for their children and often have not had role models of how to be equal caretakers for their children.With their new roles, many fathers struggle to balance work life and family life, including not bringing the stress of work to family life and vice versa.
Challenges
A Modern Parenthood study by the Pew Research Center found that 50 percent of working dads find it very or somewhat difficult to balance all their responsibilities. Issues that arise include:
- Paternity Leave: While more workplaces grant paternity leave, most do not or the time granted is very limited. Very few work sites offer paid leave. Families are often in a bind about the financial impact of using paternity leave, particularly if the father’s salary is higher.
- Finances: Having a new baby means added financial stress – from hospital, doctor or midwife fees to diapers and more. With societal pressure for men to be the “providers,” you may feel more stress about finances.
- Family “Work”: Your chores will increase! Even if you can afford a diaper service, for example, you will have more laundry between baby clothes and spit up on yours! And you will have less time to get chores done as you attend to your child.
- Sleep: All new parents are sleep deprived. If you are working, particularly in a job that requires a high level of physical or mental effort, having your sleep disturbed can create stress on the job and at home.
- Less Social Time: You and your partner won’t have the time together you had before you had a child. If you are a single dad, the time you have for friends can be greatly diminished.
- Depression: While postpartum depression happens to some mothers, dads can also experience depression after a new baby. And because it’s less common, sometimes it goes unnoticed and/or untreated.
What’s A Dad To Do?
There are lots of challenges to finding a work-family balance, but there are also many things you can do that will help you walk the tightrope!
Before the Baby
Be prepared:
- Go to prenatal classes to get information about newborns. Parenting Now! offers The Language of Newborns for expecting families and those with babies up to two months old.
- Think about what kind of father you want to be. Talk with your partner about how you see each of your roles.
Plan for support:
- Family members, friends, co-workers, and neighbors often want to support you; don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.
- Can a family member be “on call” to be with the baby if you have a sudden work issue you need to deal with at home?
- Calls, texts or video chatting with far-away friends can provide emotional support or new parenting tips.
Your Workplace:
- Talk with your supervisor or union representative to give them notice and ask for support.
- Is paternity or Family Medical leave available? How does it work at your workplace?
- Can you use vacation time when the baby comes?
- Can your schedule change to be more adaptable to your needs?
- Is working at home part time an option?
- Let co-workers know what’s happening – they might offer all kinds of support in and outside of work.
The Baby’s Here!
Forming Bonds:
- Take turns holding, cuddling and caring for your baby.
- If mom is breastfeeding, you can bottle-feed the baby with expressed milk after breastfeeding is well-established.
- Be the official “post-nursing burper.”
- Get up with the baby when he gets up at night – even if it’s just to bring him to his mom to breastfeed. You’ll bond with the baby and your partner will appreciate it too.
- If you or your spouse can flex your work schedule, get up with the baby when you don’t have to get up for work.
- If you can, get up with the baby on a day when your spouse is NOT working the next day (and vice versa) and let them sleep in on a day off!
Transitions
It’s not possible or desirable to always separate work and family life. Who doesn’t want to show photos of their baby to co-workers? How tempting is it to check that one email from your boss when you’re at home? But most of the time, it’s important to focus where you are. Leave work at work and home at home. Everyone will appreciate it and you’ll do a better job at both!Try creating a “ritual” for separating work and home:
- If you drive to work, give yourself five minutes in the car when you get home. Create a meditation that helps you let go of work before you walk in the house.
- Change out of work clothes as soon as you get home to physically mark the transition from work to home.
- Play a song that lets you know you are about to enter home or work – how about “Hi, ho, Hi ho, It’s Off to Work We Go?” by the Seven Dwarves.
Self-care is for Everyone
Like moms, you are a better parent when you take good care of yourself. It’s challenging with a new baby, but eating healthy, getting exercise (how about neighborhood walk with the baby?), getting as much sleep as you can, and making time for friends all make a positive difference.If you are feeling overwhelmed with stress or depressed, get outside help – support groups, counseling or talking with your family doctor can provide the support.
Joys of Fatherhood
Balancing work and family is hard for everyone and fathers have some particular challenges. But times are changing to support men who have healthy work lives and are active dads. It may be hard to walk that tightrope, but you can do it and the rewards will be worth all the effort. This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors, Tova Stabin, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz and consultant Jay Thompson (andupdatemywebsite.com). Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org
Triple P – Positive Parenting Program
Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home, at a coffee shop, or wherever you’d like!If you are interested, submit the form below and information about next steps will be sent directly to your inbox. For more information about the program click here.[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="yes" overflow="visible"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" background_position="left top" background_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" spacing="yes" background_image="" background_repeat="no-repeat" padding="" margin_top="0px" margin_bottom="0px" class="" id="" animation_type="" animation_speed="0.3" animation_direction="left" hide_on_mobile="no" center_content="no" min_height="none"][gravityform id="1" title="true" description="true"][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]