Dad Blog: Calming Big Emotions
LaneKids is excited to announce our first series of dad blogs written by Lane County's Michael Hoekstra. Michael is the father of a seven year old daughter and will be chronicling his dad adventures monthly - sharing with readers his parenting successes and frustrations as well as creative parenting techniques he's used to get through those tough but common parenting moments. Be sure to tune in monthly and share via social media with others who are "daddying" with pride.
You’re having that moment when the tantrum is starting. When you ask what’s wrong, your child’s response is snippets of words between sobs and tears. You can barely make out what she is saying and in frustration you beg her to calm down so you can understand what she’s saying. However, do you know if your child even knows how to calm down? This is something we parents take for granted. We know a few tools to calm ourselves down in most cases, but rarely do we consider that our children likely have never been given guidance in calming themselves down. This means that when you’re asking your child to calm down, they might not have the foggiest notion on how to do so.
Boarding the Bus with a Screaming Child
Recently, after picking my daughter up from her after school care, she began crying just as we walked out the door. I asked her what was wrong and got a response of jumbled words between deep and loud sobs. As we continued to walk toward the bus stop, my daughter continued to cry. The closer we got to the stop, the more I worried I’d be boarding the bus with a screaming child. I came to a halt and got down to her level and rather than ask her again what was wrong, I asked her to take a deep breath to calm down. She tried, but instead of exhaling she sobbed again. I took a moment to take a few deep breaths myself to release my own frustrations then tried a different tactic.
Turning Tears to Laughter
“Ok, honey, let’s take a deep breath together and ROAR it out.” We inhaled deeply and let out a loud roar together. I asked her to try again and the second roar turned into a little giggle by the end. “One more time.” A deep inhale, and the third roar became a full on laugh. Now that I could tell she had calmed down I asked her what had her so worked up. It turned out to be a common situation among children, especially only children, where she felt she didn’t get her way and the other kids in the care facility didn’t like her. Knowing she was calmer and able to talk about what had happened, she and I spent the bus ride home talking about what happened and good ways do handle disappointing situations like that in the future.
Connecting with your Child
As a parent, it is difficult sometimes when your child is upset about something and you don’t know what it is. You want more than anything to ease and comfort him, but when your child can’t calm down enough to describe to us what’s wrong, your job can become frustrating. Coming up with some techniques to help your child learn how to calm herself is not only an important lesson for her but also a way for you to better connect and understand what situations upset your child. It may be as simple as teaching your child to breathe deep, or using a more elaborate distracting technique, but having a calm child makes it easier to have the discussions which are the building blocks of teaching your child how to interact with others in a positive and enriching manner.- Mike Hoekstra (Dad)
About the Author
Mike has been a stay-at-home dad and full time college student the last few years, learning the finer points of “dadding” as he goes along. He is by no means an expert on childcare, just experienced in raising an independent, strong-willed daughter. His philosophy is to remember that a parent’s job is to prepare our children to meet the world at large by ensuring they have the requisite tools to navigate this oftentimes strange but wonderful world. “Remember, always talk to your child as if they understand every word, even if they don’t understand. And always love your child in every action, because this, they always understand.”
Triple P – Positive Parenting Program
Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home, at a coffee shop, or wherever you’d like!If you are interested, submit the form below and information about next steps will be sent directly to your inbox. For more information about the program click here.[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="yes" overflow="visible"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" background_position="left top" background_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" spacing="yes" background_image="" background_repeat="no-repeat" padding="" margin_top="0px" margin_bottom="0px" class="" id="" animation_type="" animation_speed="0.3" animation_direction="left" hide_on_mobile="no" center_content="no" min_height="none"][gravityform id="1" title="true" description="true"][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]