Bonding with Your Baby

People say you fall in love with your baby in an instant.  And for some parents this is true.  But bonding, or the intense attachment that happens between a baby and his caregivers, can develop in all different ways.  However it comes to you and your baby, it is important that it does happen.Bonding has many benefits for your baby.  He learns that you love him.  She develops trust and learns she is lovable.  These basic lessons help him grow into a confident, competent and caring adult.   It is the basis of all her relationships going forward.  On top of this, scientists are now learning that these early, loving interactions build the structures in his brain.  This basic brain development connects the different areas in the brain and creates the structures necessary to control her emotions and learn language as she grows.There are many ways to promote bonding between you and your baby.  These include:

• Skin to skin contact.  Touch is important for connection at any age.  Think how good it feels to get a hug from a friend or spouse when you are upset.   Since your baby cannot talk with you yet, touch is one of the best ways to connect with him.  Cuddling, massage and gentle touch is a great way to increase the bond with your baby.
• Read, talk and sing to your baby.  Bonding actually begins before birth when your baby hears the parents’ voices from inside the womb.  Your baby will recognize your voice early on and prefer you to other adults.
• Respond to your baby’s cries. This is one of the best ways to promote the early brain development.  Doctors now agree that young babies cannot be spoiled and need an adult to respond to their needs when they are upset. This helps babies learn that they are lovable and they can trust their needs will be taken care of.  It also helps them create the brain structures that will help them soothe themselves as they get older.
• Serve and Return.  Think of it as a tennis game.  When your baby coos, smiles or even looks at you, this is like a tennis serve and you want to return the ball.  You do this by smiling and talking back to your baby.  Focus young babies on your face with big expressions they can mimic.  Older babies can be interested in books and rhymes or just the back and forth of babbling conversation.

All of this is important practice for your little one.  And it helps you feel that wonderful loving attachment that is so important to your baby’s learning and growing.  But don’t worry if you don’t feel it immediately.  Keep taking care of your baby and spending time with him. There are instances, such as if a parent is experiencing postpartum depression or if has a medical condition that interferes with attachment, when parents need a little extra help.  If you feel concerned, you can always talk with your pediatrician, doctor or midwife. 211info also offers a brand new service for parents in Lane County, 211 Family Info.  Dial 2-1-1, text "children" to 898211 or email children@211info.org to reach an in-house child development specialist who is available to answer questions from parents and caregivers with children birth to eight years old. It is always best to address lingering questions or concerns early, allowing you to focus on the positive aspects of your new family member.You may notice that this article talks about parents, not just moms. While moms are often the first person a baby attaches to, it’s not always the case.  And even when dads have less time in the early months to spend with the baby, they hold a special role. Dads bond with their babies differently, even when they are the primary caregivers.  They often have a more active, physical way of playing and even comforting their babies, than women do.  But babies easily adjust to these two different styles and the latest research suggests they thrive when they are well attached to both parents.The best thing you can do with a young baby is to spend as much time with them as possible, touching, talking and learning their unique baby “language”.  The better you understand your baby’s cries and cues the better you will be able to respond to him and the closer you will become.  While having an infant is an exhausting experience, remember it is short-lived.  Babies tend to grow up quickly, leaving you with the memories and photos from this special time!