Tech & Family
We live in a digital world. Kids see their grown-ups on devices of all kinds for work, entertainment, navigation…just about everything. Many parenting struggles revolve around screen time – choosing when young children use a tablet, how to get them to stop using the device once they’re on, when to allow our children access to the internet, and when they get phones and social media accounts.
As parenting educators, we may hear about these disagreements. We listen to grown-ups asking for advice on how to enforce rules and what the rules should be. Parents often desperately seek guidance on what they should do with phones, and it may be helpful to have some tools to reference as we respond.
Build Relationships
Adults constantly prepare our children for adulthood and model what that can look like. One of the reasons setting screen time limits is challenging is because it is so nuanced. It depends upon the family’s schedule, the child’s maturity, and the kind of technology they use. Joining online communities has excellent opportunities for children to feel connected, especially if they are part of a minoritized group.
We want our children to know what healthy conversations feel like so they can recognize when something feels unhealthy. We want families to spend quality time together, creating memories, partially so the children will be motivated to live a rich life offline. We want children to reach out and process challenges or question misinformation with adults. We have to prioritize close connections with each other so our children know this is valuable.
Screen Time Guidelines
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends “considering the quality of interactions with digital media.” They do not make specific age and time guidelines because video chatting with long-distance family for 30 minutes is a very different experience from browsing YouTube videos. Families may find it helpful to search Common Sense Media’s “Best of” lists for suggestions for games, movies, apps, etc., for various age groups.
As always, we want to work with families in a way that avoids judgment. Encouraging families to be intentional about their media use by creating a family media plan (In Spanish) may help them feel more comfortable with their expectations for each other.
Modeling healthy screen time usage will be an essential first step for families wanting to adapt their children’s usage of devices. We want to help adults prioritize enough time for sleep, physical activity, and time interacting with others in real life.
Adolescents
A wide range of ages are included in this phase, which necessitates different strategies and responses. Seventeen-year-olds need more opportunities to make their own decisions than thirteen-year-olds. We know this age group values their privacy and independence, and we want to stay in a positive relationship with them as they develop their skills.
Encouraging families to find the balance that works for them is crucial. Each teen is different. News headlines may concern families about the possible damaging effects of social media and countries banning access for kids.
Encourage grown-ups to sit with their child in an open, curious manner and see what comes up on their social media. Algorithms promote very different content based on our demographics and viewing habits. Keep an eye out for harmful messages, including racism, fatphobia, sexism, etc. According to the American Psychological Association, these are common in gaming and social media platforms and require conversations to process.
We don’t want these messages normalized. Adults can remind teens to talk with them if they are concerned about the health or safety of someone in person or online. Adolescence is a significant time of mentorship for our teens.
Social Media & AI
Children of all ages are increasingly more and more engaged with social media such as YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat, and more. According to the U.S. Surgeon General’s office, “up to 95% of youth ages 13–17 report using a social media platform, with more than a third saying they use social media ‘almost constantly.’” Additionally, AI tools have quickly been integrated into these spaces. These quick developments make it more important than ever to support children in being responsible and conscientious tech users.
There isn’t an easy answer to this yet. Some tips from the U.S. Surgeon General’s office in mitigating some of the harmful impacts of social media include:
Be cautious about what you share.
Don’t keep online harassment or abuse a secret.
Visit stopbullying.gov for helpful tips on how to report cyberbullying. If you have experienced online harassment and abuse by a dating partner, contact an expert at Love is Respect for support or if your private images have been taken and shared online without your permission, visit Take it Down to help get them removed.
Model responsible social media behavior.
Educate yourself on new technologies such as a new social media site or AI tool, especially on their privacy policies and how they protect minors’ safety and rights.
Supporting families through these challenges with an even-keeled stability will help them stay grounded. We can empathize when we listen to their struggles and notice their frustration. Reminding families there is research to help them work through decisions.
Emphasize that the main goals are for their family to stay in a relationship with each other and for the adults to mentor their children through new experiences. They can make a plan, change course as needed, and have fun together.
Resources:
Connect Safely (Guías rápidas en español)
Growing Up in Public by Devorah Heitner
Screentime Solution by Emily Cherkin
Tweens, Teens, and Screens (OPEC blog post)
SafetyNet: Smart Cyber Choices trainings from KIDS Center (free, in English and Spanish)
By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.
Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.
Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative and read our blog!