Guest Blog: Creating Routines at Home

Written By Guest User

This was adapted from a virtual Parent Chat presented by Rachel Taylor and Ivy Kruse with Early Childhood CARES. A recording is available at this link https://uoregon.zoom.us/rec/share/0uj1JzWol0LUuqRTtO8av4hOzNl2MHprJxCL3-kevNDSePNUcmIRCoTfQLYvKJCc.YcM8p4Po4TUnGxMl?startTime=1638835535000

Though it may sound strange, most children like routines. Routines provide predictable, consistent patterns that help kids understand what’s going to happen. Caregivers benefit from routines because they help keep expectations positive and clear, and can build independence and self-esteem in their children. When children have the opportunity to practice a new skill or task as part of their normal routine, they can learn without experiencing too much stress.

How to Create Routines

First, think about your child’s day. What happens regularly? Are some things harder than others; like getting ready in the morning, dinner time, or bedtime?

Pick one of the more challenging parts of your child’s day, think about the tasks that need to be done and make a list of each one. Bedtime, for example might look like: brush teeth, put pjs on, read a book, and get in bed.

Use the list to create a visual schedule, which is a series of pictures that show activities in a certain order. You can make your own by drawing simple pictures and labeling them. You can also find free, printable versions of common routines online. Another idea is to take pictures of your child as they do each step and use that as your visual schedule.

When planning the routine, consider these key points:

  • What is your child’s developmental level? Can they actually do the task in the routine, like getting dressed independently? Make sure your expectations are realistic.

  • Build in choices. Some parts of the routine are not a choice, like putting on pajamas. But, can they pick out the pajamas they want to wear?

  • Try to make the last step in the routine something your child will enjoy. If getting into bed is hard, have a special goodnight hug and kiss, or a song once they are in bed to end on a loving and fun note.

How to Teach Routines

Teach Expectations First

  • Get down at your child’s level and gain their attention. If your child seems distracted or can’t focus, join in their activity and then try again.

  • Use simple language, and positive and clear directions.

  • Make a statement, not a question. Avoid asking if they are ready to brush teeth, instead state what you want them to do, “It’s time to brush teeth.”

  • Use those visual schedules! If the pictures are not working, show your child the actual objects associated with that task, like a washcloth or toothpaste.

Other tips for teaching routines:

  • Be consistent. Approach the routine the same way each time so your child knows and can predict what will happen and can eventually do things independently.

  • Use “first/then” language. You could say, “first wash your hands, then you get your snack”. Or, to build in choice, “first get dressed, then you can pick milk or juice with breakfast”.

  • Praise every attempt and step they complete. Stay positive and point out how hard they are trying along the way.

  • Try to make it fun. Making up a song or dance for the routine can make this time together silly and upbeat.

Trouble Shooting

Challenges may come up as you are setting, teaching, and practicing the routine. Remember when those difficult moments arise to take a pause and breathe. Recognize your emotions and acknowledge how you are feeling. Be patient with your child and yourself. You can do this! It may be hard along the way, but you will get there. If you are struggling:

  • Try using more encouragement. If you are focusing on what they are not doing right, shift to sharing all the things they are doing well. For example, if brushing their teeth is really hard but they were able to put the toothpaste on the brush, praise that! You and your child will feel so much happier if you call out the things that are working well.

  • Ignore their challenging behaviors and re-state the expectation calmly and clearly. For example, when you say it’s time to brush your teeth and they run into their room, follow them calmly and say, “it’s time to brush teeth,” and gently redirect them. Sometimes challenging behaviors are used to avoid a situation, so minimize giving attention to what they shouldn’t be doing, and focus on what you’d like them to do.

  • Make sure they understand. If needed, restate your expectations using simple language and show them the visual schedule or reminder objects.

  • Give a “heads up” before starting the routine, like, “two more minutes to play, then it’s time to brush teeth”. You can set a timer on your phone so that everyone knows what’s happening.

  • Give plenty of time to complete the routine, especially at first. Rushing through routines can create stress and increase challenging behavior. Waking up a little earlier or starting bedtime sooner will give you more time to get through each step.

If it Really Isn’t Working

All children are different and learn in different ways. If you have developed and taught your child the routine, but find things are not working out, here are two things to consider:

  • Is part of the routine too difficult? Modify a step, or give assistance so that your child can be successful.

  • Is something else getting in the way? Are there sensory processing challenges? Be a detective to understand what is happening around that time that might be stressful, and make changes where needed.

Additional Resources

Early Childhood CARES provides early intervention and early childhood special education to infants, toddlers and preschool age children in Lane County. All services are free of charge to eligible children. Visit https://earlychildhoodcares.uoregon.edu/ to learn more.

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