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Outdoor Family Fun

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Mother and young child sharing an affectionate moment outdoors on a country path

Although sunshine is a lovely backdrop for summer fun, many children don’t mind a little rain either. Children are usually their happiest outside, exploring among grass and trees. And while many of us adults may prefer to watch rainy days from inside, puddles usually only add to the fun for young ones. Be prepared with appropriate outdoor clothing that is durable and weather-resistant and watch the magic unfold!

There are lots of developmental benefits that come with outdoor play, making the effort worth it almost every time. The emotional, mental, physical, social, and behavioral health of children is fortified in natural settings. We see a marked increase in overall well-being, stress relief, resilience, restoration, emotional regulation, and mood enhancement when children have plenty of time outside. Their general health and immune function often improve with fresh air and sunshine. We often see children eating and sleeping better.

Active participation in outdoor play leads to better motor functioning. While staying inside on screens all day may improve kids’ gaming reflexes, time spent outside hones their real reflexes, benefiting their physical skills, strength, and coordination.

We also witness a boost to self-esteem, confidence, and agency. When children are engaged in fun outdoor activities they show heightened attention, attention restoration, memory, creativity, problem-solving, language development and executive functioning with mental control, self-regulation, and decision making. For school-aged children, academic functioning and attitudes toward school can significantly improve with more recess and outdoor experiences.

“The best classroom and the richest cupboard is roofed only by the sky,” says Margaret McMillan.

Parents and teachers often wonder how much time outside is enough. The simple answer is as much as possible. Several hours a day would be highly beneficial, and more is better. In the book, ‘Last Child in the Woods,’ author Richard Louv coined the term ‘nature-deficit disorder,’ which is a condition that may have serious implications for children who lack a connection with nature. Disconnection to the natural world has been linked to diminished sensory experiences, attention difficulties, obesity, vitamin D deficiency, increased aggression, higher rates of anxiety and depression, poor grades, reduced coping skills, higher levels of stress, and overall lower sense of well-being. In other words, time in nature is essential for health and wellness.

How can we do better? When adults place value on aesthetics, organization, thoughtfulness, provocation, communication, and interaction, children can learn a lot from being in the outdoor environment. The more care and attention paid to organizing the space

outdoors, the more this time can stimulate the imagination, creativity, exploration, discovery, engagement and sense of wonder for young children.

If you are looking for ideas, here are some ways to increase outside activity:

• Include children in gardening by planting seeds and nurturing plants, which supports their understanding of life cycles and teaches responsibility. Children may be more interested in eating vegetables that they had a hand in growing.

• Plan high-activity games with play equipment such as balls, bats, jump ropes, hurdles, tunnels, balance beams, targets, bean bags, balls, or hoops. Develop obstacle courses. Mark playgrounds with mazes, hopscotch, snakes & ladders, or other games. Support them to explore areas where they can climb, swing, move, and take reasonable risks to learn what they are capable of.

• Provide access to natural materials such as water, pinecones, stones, sticks, shells, sand, grass or flowers. Nature walks can be an engaging way to gather found treasures. Mud kitchens are hours of fun!

• Assure activities are enjoyable for the individual needs of children and adapt the spaces, as needed.

In the TED Talk, ‘The Best Kindergarten You’ve Ever Seen,’ Takahuru Tezuka shows us the benefits of designing indoor/outdoor spaces that are developmentally appropriate for young children.

Need some fun ideas to do with children? Check out the 50 Nature-based Outdoor Play Activities for Early Childhood Development compiled by Stepping Stone Childcare and Early Developmental Centers.

The Early Learning Hub of Lane County has a lot of resources at their link for Fun Family Activities & Lane County Activity Calendar.

Have fun!

Supporting Young Boys so They Grow and Thrive

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Supporting Young Boys so they Grow and Thrive

We want all children to thrive in early childhood, but boys have biological and cultural differences that need special consideration. Let’s examine the unique needs of young boys, specific challenges that may arise if their needs go unmet, and positive strategies to support exploration, activities, and reduce struggles.

It is important to recognize that there is a wide range of individual differences and variation within each gender. Cultural norms and social expectations can also influence how young children behave and develop. But if we spend enough time around groups of children who are of the same age, we may observe some trends that show how the girls communicate verbally and manage their feelings sooner than the boys.

Boys may have feelings when upset that are externalized (such as impulsivity or anger) while the girls may internalize their feelings (like sadness or anxiety). You may find that the boys are busier and more physically active, take greater risks, build and destroy structures using the materials at hand, seek messy exploration, and can have a harder time sitting still. (An article by Zero to Three offers additional information on some of the interesting differences in brain development for boys and girls.)

Young boys do better when they are enjoying themselves and actively learning through play. Boys who are involved in highly engaging activities are more focused, persistent, emotionally regulated, prosocial, and able to communicate better with their friends than boys left without adequate stimulation or support. When adults follow the boys’ priorities and interests, they will witness fewer behavioral challenges and more meaningful participation in their daily activities and routines. (Stewart Brown is a pioneering researcher who tells us in his TED talk that play is more fun and necessary for physical and emotional health.)

If caregivers are committed to meeting the needs of young boys, there are many strategies that may benefit them. Here are seven effective approaches below.

1. Supporting boys’ need for active play experiences should include heavy work, open-ended materials, reasonable risk-taking, unstructured play, movement and frequent time outdoors.

2. Boys also need support for learning effective problem solving, coping with failure, safe ways for calming down when upset, maintaining good boundaries, peaceful conflict resolution, and “loving limits” for behavior.

3. Quiet and calming activities can be nurturing for young boys. Find children’s books on topics they love, play soft music, allow forts and hideaway areas, and provide varied materials for using their hands.  When a young child is stressed, we can support them through deep breathing, grounding practices that feel soothing, and designated areas to calm their body, mind, and emotions.

4. Young children need more frequent rest and refueling opportunities, which should include a well-balanced diet, clean drinking water, adequate sleep, and good hygiene for teeth and bodies, and regular medical care and developmental check ups.

5. Boys’ social and emotional needs can be supported by encouraging empathy and taking the perspective of others. Adults can cultivate a reverence for life by having boys care for plants, insects, or animals. We can offer hugs and encouragement whenever needed.

6. Young boys also benefit from close adult males who can show them through words and actions what to do, modeling expected behaviors.

7. Perhaps most of all, young boys need relationships with caregivers who provide adequate time for them, loving attention, lots of affection, and positive guidance that focuses on their strengths, needs, and interests.

Overall, young boys need trustworthy adults using developmentally appropriate expectations and positive discipline to guide them. Boys also need supportive environments that encourage them to grow in healthy ways that align with their need for autonomy and initiative. When they have these supports they can truly thrive!

Tech & Family

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We live in a digital world. Kids see their grown-ups on devices of all kinds for work, entertainment, navigation…just about everything. Many parenting struggles revolve around screen time – choosing when young children use a tablet, how to get them to stop using the device once they’re on, when to allow our children access to the internet, and when they get phones and social media accounts.

As parenting educators, we may hear about these disagreements. We listen to grown-ups asking for advice on how to enforce rules and what the rules should be. Parents often desperately seek guidance on what they should do with phones, and it may be helpful to have some tools to reference as we respond.

Build Relationships  

Adults constantly prepare our children for adulthood and model what that can look like. One of the reasons setting screen time limits is challenging is because it is so nuanced. It depends upon the family’s schedule, the child’s maturity, and the kind of technology they use. Joining online communities has excellent opportunities for children to feel connected, especially if they are part of a minoritized group.

We want our children to know what healthy conversations feel like so they can recognize when something feels unhealthy. We want families to spend quality time together, creating memories, partially so the children will be motivated to live a rich life offline. We want children to reach out and process challenges or question misinformation with adults. We have to prioritize close connections with each other, so our children know this is valuable.

Screen Time Guidelines  

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends “​​considering the quality of interactions with digital media.” They do not make specific age and time guidelines because video chatting with long-distance family for 30 minutes is a very different experience from browsing YouTube videos. Families may find it helpful to search Common Sense Media’s “Best of” lists for suggestions for games, movies, apps, etc., for various age groups.

As always, we want to work with families in a way that avoids judgment. Encouraging families to be intentional about their media use by creating a family media plan (In Spanish) may help them feel more comfortable with their expectations for each other.

Modeling healthy screen time usage will be an essential first step for families wanting to adapt their children’s usage of devices. We want to help adults prioritize enough time for sleep, physical activity, and time interacting with others in real life.

Adolescents  

A wide range of ages are included in this phase, which necessitates different strategies and responses. Seventeen-year-olds need more opportunities to make their own decisions than thirteen-year-olds. We know this age group values their privacy and independence, and we want to stay in a positive relationship with them as they develop their skills.

Encouraging families to find the balance that works for them is crucial. Each teen is different. News headlines may concern families about the possible damaging effects of social media and countries banning access for kids.

Encourage grown-ups to sit with their child in an open, curious manner and see what comes up on their social media. Algorithms promote very different content based on our demographics and viewing habits. Keep an eye out for harmful messages, including racism, fatphobia, sexism, etc. According to the American Psychological Association, these are common in gaming and social media platforms and require conversations to process.

We don’t want these messages normalized. Adults can remind teens to talk with them if they are concerned about the health or safety of someone in person or online. Adolescence is a significant time of mentorship for our teens.

Social Media & AI 

Children of all ages are increasingly more and more engaged with social media such as YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat, and more. According to the U.S. Surgeon General’s office, “up to 95% of youth ages 13–17 report using a social media platform, with more than a third saying they use social media ‘almost constantly.’” Additionally, AI tools have quickly been integrated into these spaces. These quick developments make it more important than ever to support children in being responsible and conscientious tech users.

There isn’t an easy answer to this yet. Some tips from the U.S. Surgeon General’s office in mitigating some of the harmful impacts of social media include:

  • Be cautious about what you share.

  • Don’t keep online harassment or abuse a secret.

  • Visit stopbullying.gov for helpful tips on how to report cyberbullying. If you have experienced online harassment and abuse by a dating partner, contact an expert at Love is Respect for support or if your private images have been taken and shared online without your permission, visit Take it Down to help get them removed.

  • Model responsible social media behavior.

  • Educate yourself on new technologies such as a new social media site or AI tool, especially on their privacy policies and how they protect minors’ safety and rights.

Supporting families through these challenges with an even-keeled stability will help them stay grounded. We can empathize when we listen to their struggles and notice their frustration. Reminding families there is research to help them work through decisions.

Emphasize that the main goals are for their family to stay in a relationship with each other and for the adults to mentor their children through new experiences. They can make a plan, change course as needed, and have fun together.

Resources: 

Common Sense Media

Connect Safely (Guías rápidas en español)

Growing Up in Public by Devorah Heitner

Screentime Consultant

Screentime Solution by Emily Cherkin

Tweens, Teens, and Screens (OPEC blog post)

SafetyNet: Smart Cyber Choices trainings from KIDS Center (free, in English and Spanish)

Oh Baby! I’m here for you! The Importance of Forming Secure Attachments

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Secure Attachment

Infants and toddlers learn to trust that the world is safe and that they are valued through sensitive and responsive caregiving. As the parent or caregiver watches for the child’s cues to determine what they need, and responds to them promptly, consistently, and respectfully, this brings positive results for children. Everyday interactions that feel meaningful and responsive promote the development of a secure attachment with their caregiver.

Attuning to each baby requires slowing down, watching, and interacting in a loving and nurturing way.  A responsive approach may include an adult reflecting on what a child is communicating through their actions, facial expressions, and body language, and developing an awareness of how their own caregiving behaviors are meeting their developmental need for trust, comfort, wellbeing, and security. Infants and toddlers who have developed healthy attachments show happiness and affection with familiar adults, seek and accept comfort, make their needs known, express a variety of emotions, and show interest in the environment. Secure attachment in early childhood can lead to healthy relationships and a sense of wellbeing throughout life.

Insecure Attachment

Infants and toddlers experience the world through their relationships. These relationships affect nearly all aspects of their development including social, emotional, physical, intellectual, behavioral, and moral. The relationships infants and toddlers have with their caregivers play a critical role in regulating stress and organizing their internal experiences.

When interactions between the caregiver and the child do not feel consistently meaningful or responsive, or emotional and physical needs go unmet, an insecure attachment may form. This may contribute to feelings of anxiety, ambivalence, dysregulation, or fear in the child, which is a common result of unresponsive or inconsistent caregiving. If the primary caregiver-child bond does not offer protection, predictability, and safety, the child will have a more reactive stress response. Stress in a young child can impact their development in serious ways.

Signs of Distress or Mistrust

Children who lack consistent responsive caregiving may show signs of stress or display challenges in their mental processes, language development, physical health, and social-emotional development. If the child has difficulty trusting their needs will be met, they may not seek connection with adults when upset. Instead, they may shutdown or show excessive crying, or have difficulty being comforted and calming down. The child may have challenges with playing and paying attention to stories, exhibit learning delays, or withdraw. The child may also have feeding issues, sleep disturbances, physical complaints, problems with coordination and balance, and – in the extreme – show a failure to thrive. Over time, children in distress may develop more serious mental and physical health problems that are more difficult to resolve if they lack a supportive adult.

Resilience and Attachment Type Changes

Caring adults who provide a level of support, comfort, stimulation, interaction, and nurturing can play a key role in cultivating resilience and improving outcomes for infants and toddlers. Resilience is the ability to overcome adversity. Early childhood resilience research tells us that the strongest protective factor for children is having at least one relationship with a caring, responsive, loving adult. Responsive relationships are a protective factor for children and provide a sense of emotional safety and healing.

Interpersonal attachments don’t end in childhood. ‘Earned’ secure attachment is when someone develops a secure attachment later in life, despite having an insecure attachment style early on. The process of earning a secure attachment typically happens in the context of a safe and trusted relationship, which is built over time through meaningful connection.

As the American author Tom Robbins wrote, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Resources from Harvard Center for the Developing Child

To learn more about child development, stress, resilience, and attachment parenting, please check out the links below.

The Three Core Concepts in Early Development

InBrief: Resilience Series

Why Attachment Parenting Matters

 

Connection Seekers Wanted

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What are some challenging behaviors you have observed in young children? How do they make you feel? When parents and caregivers are asked these questions, they are quick to identify experiences caring for their child that seem demanding or difficult and note the feelings of stress, confusion, or overwhelm that tend to arise. How would you answer these questions?

The writer Henry David Thoreau said, “The question is not what you look at, but how you look and whether you see.”

What does that quote mean for our topic on challenging behaviors? Are we really seeing what’s going on with our child, or are we only feeling our frustration? When our own stress gets in the way, it clouds our perception, and we may react instead of respond. As we see the child more clearly, we can better acknowledge what they need and sensitively work toward meeting it. What is it that young children need most? Connection. Children need consistent, sensitive, and responsive caregiving, especially when they are upset. Each child needs an individualized approach. To better understand a child’s behavior, we can explore considerations based on their ages and stages of development and temperamental traits.

Ages & stages of development

Young children progress through their ages & stages of development from infancy, toddlerhood, early childhood, school-age, and then continue onto adolescence. Be sure to care for the whole child as they are moving through developmental milestones related to the physical, social, emotional, language, intellectual, and self-help domains. Screening for healthy development is recommended.

Each of the ages and stages come with different priorities, needs, and interests. Babies are working on their ability to trust that their needs will get met. They benefit from lots of cuddling, care and comfort by consistent caregivers, and stimulation in a protected environment. Toddlers are mastering autonomy and independence. They thrive on limited choices, safe environments to explore, and warm interactions with secure adults. Preschoolers are taking greater initiative and learning how things work. They are empowered when adults provide a caring presence that supports developing self-confidence and good self-esteem in engaging activities and investigation.

Temperament

Temperament is part of our personality and is present at birth. Temperament determines how a child reacts to experiences or to stimuli (sights and sounds), how they will regulate that reaction, and how others may react toward them. Recognizing a child’s individualized approach to the world can help caregivers anticipate and meet their daily needs. Temperamental traits include activity, regularity, initial reaction, adaptability, intensity, mood, distractibility, persistence-attention span, and sensory threshold. If we bundle some of these traits together, we may see different categories of temperament emerge. Children with Flexible temperament tend to be friendly and outgoing, adjusts easily to new people and routines, and accepts frustrations with little fuss. These children may benefit from encouragement to assert themselves, establish boundaries, and get needs met if they are too flexible. Those with Feisty temperament can react to frustration with tantrums, in constant movement, and have inconsistent routines, such as bedtime and eating. To support feisty children, provide them with consistency, predictability, support, and positive guidance. Be sure to stay calm and connected. The children who present with the Fearful or slow-to-warm temperament prefer to observe from the sidelines rather than actively participate, will withdraw from or quietly refuse new situations and people, and prefer consistent routines. Offer patience, time to adjust to changes, and reassurance when fearful.

Guiding from our values

How caregivers decide to guide and respond to their unique young child has a lot to do with their values and the long-term goals they want for that child. Imagine your child growing into an adult and consider the hopes you carry for their ultimate success and well-being.

  • What do you picture in your mind?

  • What skills, experiences, and knowledge do you envision them having as they reach adulthood?

  • Given their age and stage of development and temperament, how can you support your child in everyday moments as they learn and grow towards this cherished vision over time?

  • How can you be good models for what you want them to become?

  • How do you continue to build connection even when it’s hard?

One effective parenting practice that fosters connection during upset moments with the child is emotion coaching. The five steps of emotion coaching are:

1. Be aware of emotions (tune into your child’s feelings and your own)

2. Connect with your child

3. Listen actively

4. Name emotions (label what they are feeling)

5. Find good solutions (help them problem-solve).

Although guiding a young child through their big feelings may not be easy, the benefits of cultivating trust and connection are well worth the effort!

Help a Grieving Child

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Special thanks to school counselor, Amber Paterson, for sharing resources.

Grief is part of the human experience. It feels cruel, especially so when we witness our children grieving. Supporting children through their grief may be extra challenging if we are struggling ourselves. There is no correct way to navigate all of the feelings your family is experiencing. Be gentle with yourself and use any advice that feels right for you. I am sending you love.

Seek Support

As you move through complicated feelings yourself and with your child, consider how you can lean on your village. People in your life want to support you but may not know the best way to offer it. Find a therapist or counselor for yourself and your children. You can ask your medical providers and schools for first steps. A friend can organize meals in your community. Your friends or relatives can take your kids for some fun and space for yourself. Accept offers of help that feel supportive. You are not a burden. Your people want to help you through this time, just as you would like to help them when needed.

Talk with Our Children

Much of how we support our family will depend on the age of our children,  the nature of the relationship, and the circumstances surrounding the death. Social worker and therapist Jenny Rivera Cruz encourages us to use correct words, not euphemisms when talking with our children. We can say that Grandma died, but if we say she “is with God” or “passed on,” children may be confused by this and misunderstand the finality. Talking with our children about their feelings and special memories will help them process their feelings and let them know they can open up to you. Jennifer Louie, PhD suggests that we keep pictures of loved ones up so we can all feel connected. This models “that it’s okay to talk about your loved one who died.”

Rituals and Routines

Many religions and cultures have special rituals at times of death and grieving. The community caring for the family and memorials can boost these transitional times. Depending on your family’s belief system and the age of your children, they can participate in these time-honored rituals. They may have questions and be curious about this if it is new. Engage in discussions if you are able. If you anticipate being overcome or busy, enlist a trusted adult who can care for your child during this time. It may feel jarring that life keeps moving, but Jamie Howard, PhD, says that “kids will do much better when their routines remain in place.” You may consider communicating with your child’s school to enlist the school counselor and their teacher’s help supporting your child at school. Coaches and other adults may benefit from knowing what your child is navigating so they can best support them as well.

Stages of Grief

A wide range of feelings might be experienced by someone grieving. We might expect sadness, denial, and anger. Many people also feel guilty, relieved, and regretful. People might feel all of these feelings, which might feel confusing. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about five stages of grief in On Death and Dying. The stages of denial, anger, bargaining (what if, if only), depression, and acceptance may be helpful to expect. If we are supporting someone bereaved, recognizing these stages can help us find tools to support them and remind us to expect their feelings. These reactions are appropriate responses. Older children might also benefit from learning about these stages so they know their feelings are typical. Jennifer Fischer writes, “While these stages should not be thought of as resolute — not everyone experiences these stages in the same way or in the same order, if at all — understanding them can help you make sense of the emotions you may be feeling.”

“Eventually we find ourselves experiencing increased moments of joy and we make new connections while maintaining our love and connection with the person that passed away.” – Jennifer Louie, PhD

Web Resources

Dougy Center – Grief Support

Dougy Center – Resources by age

Books

For Children:

A Kids Book About Death by Taryn Schuelke

A Kids Book About Grief by Brennan C. Wood

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst

A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes

When Someone Very Special Dies by Marge Heegaard

For Adults:

The Aftergrief by Hope Edelman

Grief Day by Day by Alan D. Wolfelt

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye by Brook Noel

On Grief and Grieving by David Kessler, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and Maria Shriver

4 Ways to Help Develop Your Baby’s Brain

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You may have heard early childhood is a time of remarkable brain development. First Things First shares that “90% of brain growth happens before kindergarten. At birth, the average baby’s brain is about a quarter of the size of the average adult brain. Incredibly, it doubles in size in the first year. It keeps growing to about 80% of adult size by age 3 and 90% – nearly full grown – by age 5.” You can practically see your kid getting smarter every day! But, as caregivers, how can we best support this growth? We can’t have scintillating conversations with a toddler who barely speaks in sentences.

So, what should we do? Let’s learn some easy ways to support our young child’s brain development that we can all enjoy—no need to buy anything and no pressure to make every moment count. We do what we can when we can.

Serve and Return

Before babies can talk, they learn the art of conversation. When they make a sound, their caregivers respond. When they cry, they may receive soothing touch and comforting words to soothe them or solve their struggles. When babies smile and giggle, they love the big reactions this gets from everyone around them. They turn toward the sound of familiar voices and learn how to take turns in a conversation. They coo, and we respond, “Tell me all about it!” the baby coos some more, and we converse back and forth. They are doing what they can to have a chat with you.

The Center of the Developing Child at Harvard calls this “serve and return” like a game of tennis or ping-pong. We can encourage this “conversation” by showing interest in their actions. We are also helping children build vocabulary when we are labeling things our children are interested in (Do you think we should buy these yellow apples?) Dr. Pamela High of the American Academy of Pediatrics shares, “The more words that are in a child’s language world, the more words they will learn, and the stronger their language skills are when they reach kindergarten, the more prepared they are to be able to read, and the better they read, the more likely they will graduate from high school.”

Play

Young children naturally play with their surroundings. We can support this by providing lots of open-ended ways to play. Materials such as blocks, scarves, dolls, and kid-sized “grown-up toys” (think shopping carts, brooms, etc.) are all beautiful ways kids can develop their thinking as they play with them. We can help them process feelings through puppets and dolls. Conversation, as you play together, builds imaginative play and vocabulary.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limited screen time (For children younger than 18 months, discourage using screen media other than video-chatting.) to maximize connection and hands-on learning for young children. First Things First has created a fun video to share helpful tips on interacting with a baby or non-verbal toddler during play to build connections. Playing games like peek-a-boo seems like a fun way to elicit a giggle from your baby. They’re also helping develop brain pathways as the baby learns object permanence and gauges your reaction for serve-and-return “conversations.”

Read Books

It might feel silly to read books to a tiny infant, but pediatricians and educators agree that reading benefits even the youngest of babies and helps them bond with you. Snuggling up to read together is one of the best ways to instill a love of reading in children. They connect books with connection, joy, and adventure. “Every time we read to a child, we’re sending a ‘pleasure’ message to the child’s brain,” Jim Trelease writes in The Read-Aloud Handbook. “You could even call it a commercial, conditioning the child to associate books and print with pleasure.”

We are also offering our children a glimpse into other worlds. Reading aloud can help build empathy and understanding of other perspectives. Books provide the perfect opportunity to begin conversations about race, disability, body types, and more by labeling what we see in the pictures together. When we read to our babies and toddlers, we’re also helping set them up for success in school. According to the Children’s Bureau, “Early reading with your child is a true one-on-one opportunity for children to communicate with their parents and parents to communicate with their children. It allows children to grow their vocabulary skills with exposure to new words and listening skills they develop from hearing someone read to them that become vital to their academic success.”

Nature

The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages families to spend time outside “because outdoor play is linked to health, lower stress, and greater mental wellbeing among children.” Meeting up with other families at a park or biking together through a neighborhood can help build a child’s love of nature. The variety in the environment allows babies to develop their understanding of the world. When we combine that with a conversation, labeling what the baby is looking at, describing the squirrel’s fluffy tail, etc., the baby builds their vocabulary and connection with a place.

“Putting away the flashcards and the baby genius DVDs to become your child’s learning partner, by talking, playing, and reading to them naturally and intuitively, will help to ensure that your baby will grow smarter, happier, and healthier from an emotional standpoint. You will also have a lot more fun along the way!”

Dr. Stephen Camarata, Ph.D

Child Abuse Prevention Month: Empowering Families, Protecting Children

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April is a significant month for child safety and well-being. As the flowers bloom and the days lengthen, we also raise awareness about preventing child abuse and neglect. In Oregon, this critical mission is championed by our staff at Parenting Now, who are dedicated to supporting families with young children. Let’s delve into the statistics and explore how Parenting Now plays a pivotal role in safeguarding our most vulnerable members of society.

The Numbers Speak: 

In 2019, 17.5 children per 1,000 were victims of abuse or neglect in Lane County. These alarming figures underscore the urgent need for protective measures and support systems. The Oregon Child Abuse Prevalence Study (OCAPS, 2019) sheds further light on the issue. It estimates that a staggering 24,000 Lane County youth have encountered child abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic violence. Additionally, nearly 100,000 Lane County adults have faced similar traumatic experiences.

Challenges and Opportunities:

While the numbers are sobering, they also serve as a call to action. Parenting Now offers evidence-based parenting programs that empower parents with knowledge and skills. These programs focus on positive parenting practices, child development, and effective communication. By equipping parents with tools to navigate challenges, Parenting Now helps reduce the risk of abuse and promotes healthy family dynamics.

Safeguarding Children at Risk

Parenting programs lead to positive changes in parenting practices. Parents who participate in these programs are more likely to use non-violent discipline methods, reduce yelling, and enhance their emotional regulation skills. Parenting Now’s programs are accessible to all families, not just those identified as high-risk for child maltreatment. This approach eliminates stigma and ensures that every parent can benefit from support. By reaching a broad population, they contribute to preventing abuse across diverse communities.

Parenting Now: A Beacon of Support

Parenting Now is more than an organization; it’s a lifeline for parents. Parenting Now provides parenting education, support, and resources to families with young children. Our vision? That all children are raised by nurturing, skilled parents.

How Does Parenting Now Combat Child Abuse?

  1. Parenting Groups: In these groups, parents learn how to create loving relationships with their children. Dr. Jaylynn Kao, MD, emphasizes that these groups normalize parenting challenges, showing parents that what they’re experiencing is often okay. Michelle Crespino, a parent, echoes this sentiment, emphasizing that she felt less alone after joining Parenting Now.

  2. Evidence-Based Curricula: Parenting Now equips educators with evidence-based curricula and enrichment materials. These educators, armed with knowledge, empower parents to navigate the complexities of raising children.

  3. Community Investment: Former University of Oregon President David Frohnmayer aptly describes Parenting Now as a “community investment of the most priceless kind.” By supporting strong families, Parenting Now ensures that nurturing family life becomes every child’s birthright.

As April unfolds, let’s honor Child Abuse Prevention Month by recognizing the tireless efforts of organizations like Parenting Now. Together, we can create a world where children thrive, families flourish, and abuse becomes a distant memory. For more information about our groups and enrollment, please visit us here: https://parentingnow.org/parents/

Getting Along with Others

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Toddlers have a lot of big emotions – they’re learning how to exist in the world and how to navigate day-to-day experiences while managing their emotions and feelings. They often don’t have a filter or even know what is or isn’t appropriate to say or do, and at times this can include lashing out or hurting others. When your child wants something and doesn’t know how to express it, they may hit, bite, scratch, or throw something. They aren’t trying to be mean or hurtful, they’re just trying to figure out how to get what they want!

When your toddler acts out by hurting someone or something, it is often because they’re having difficulty dealing with really big feelings, such as frustration or anger. When we experience a big emotion, our brain goes into survival mode, and we don’t have access to our thought process. In order to bring our thinking brain back online, we need to implement a calming strategy such as taking a deep breath. Then we can identify and name the emotion, the brain can calm, and we can find the words to express what we want or need.

You can support your child by paying close attention to their emotions and trying to head off any violent actions before the frustration takes over. Ask them how they are feeling and help them name their emotion. Validate their feelings by saying something like, “I understand you are angry.” It may take a few moments for them to calm down. Then you can help them identify and ask for what they want or need. As your toddler’s communication skills develop, challenging behaviors will often decrease naturally.

How to help prevent your child from acting out physically

  • Help your child recognize and express their feelings. Talk about your own feelings with your kids. Teach them the name of feelings during everyday activities – when your bag of groceries rips in the driveway, explain that you are angry. Do this when you notice your child having feelings too. If their sibling took their favorite doll, say “How are you feeling? Are you angry because your brother is playing with your doll?” Putting names on feelings is the first big step in identifying and expressing them.

  • Help your child say what they want. Help your child by asking for what they want in appropriate situations. If your child has waited patiently for the doll, remind them to say “My turn, please” or teach them to sign if they are not verbal yet. This is a great way for younger toddlers to communicate calmly while not being able to speak just yet.

  • Prepare your child for playing with others. When you know a play date is coming up, talk to them about playing with their friends. Remind them to play gently and take turns. You can even tell them that they can always come get you if they feel upset or overwhelmed.

  • Watch your child closely. If possible, stay nearby and watch your child while playing. Steering them in the right direction before problems arise will create a calmer play environment and give you opportunities to praise your child. If you see that your child is about to throw a toy or hit, act quickly and prevent them from hurting themselves or others. Later on, speak to them about what was unsafe at the moment and what can be done next time.

It’s important to remember that toddlers are brand new to social situations, and are still actively developing the skills needed to be a good friend, to share, and to exist peacefully around others.

Be a good role model for your child, as they want nothing more than to be just like you! Use everyday opportunities to show them how to use kind words, manage emotions, ask for help, greet others, and stay calm in tricky situations. Model for your child how to say “sorry” when it’s needed, and how to ask for things that you need. Your toddler is like a sponge, and will soak up each and every lesson you teach them this way!

Finally, encourage behavior that you like to see in your child. If they ask for a turn on a swing instead of demanding or pushing the child currently swinging, tell them that you’re proud of them! If they say please when waiting for a toy, talk about how nice it is to see them asking. When your child isn’t actively in a situation that requires social interaction, you can talk with them about why you value this behavior in your family, and how great it is that they’re exhibiting it.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home! If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away!

Chores and Cleaning Up

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Your kids learn from watching you, they want to grow up and be just like you- and that includes cleaning the house!

Kids benefit from participating regularly in chores in many different ways. Chores teach children responsibility, pride in their belongings and their home, routine, and other lifelong skills that will help kids become more successful and organized later on in life. It’s important, however, for parents to find the right balance of appropriate chores based on their child’s age and ability. To begin teaching your child chores, start with clear communication. Your kids learn from watching you, they want to grow up and be just like you- and that includes cleaning the house! Sit down with your child and talk to them about how every family member contributes to chores and keeping the house clean, and tell them how excited you are to give them their very own chore! Talk about all the things that need to be done for the house to keep everything running smoothly. For example, after dinner, we put the dishes in the sink, rinse them, and load the dishwasher. What would happen if we didn’t do the dishes? (We wouldn’t have dishes to use for our next meal.)

Find out what your children are interested in learning or doing to contribute. If your child is fascinated with the vacuum cleaner, maybe they would like to vacuum the living room. Walk them through exactly what you expect them to do. The step before vacuuming is to pick toys up off the floor. (“Your stuffed animals go in the basket when you’re done playing with them”). Especially when your child is learning, notice and praise their effort. Try to let go of your standards of perfection, or that there is a right way to do it (your way). There are many ways to fold a towel. As long as the towels fit in the cabinet, can you let go of your “right way?” Help them to feel proud of themselves for doing their chores. They are a valuable part of the family, and we all can appreciate how everyone contributes.

When talking to your toddler about chores, keep it very simple. While your ten-year-old might be able to unload the dishwasher with very little direction, your three-year-old may need more simple and clear instructions, as well as gentle reminders and redirection to stay on task to pick up their toys off the floor. When your toddler is first learning, help them out. As they get better at their chore, gradually help less and less. Before you know it, they’ll be completing their tasks on their own!

As your child gets older and masters their original chores, begin adding in new ones. Consider varying chores week-to-week to mitigate frustration or boredom. If they’re pros at putting their toys in the basket, practice having them line their books on the bookshelf as well, and then put their plate in the sink after dinner.

Some kids thrive by seeing their chores written out in a chart, and others prefer being reminded at certain times of the day (for example, laundry gets taken out in the morning and toys are picked up after dinner). Find what works best for you and your family, and follow through with it. And as with anything, give your child lots of praise! Chores aren’t always fun for kids, but positive reinforcement gives them the encouragement they need to continue and be successful.

Chore ideas based on age:

Ages 2-3
● Put away toys
● Water plants
● Pile up books
Ages 4-5
● Unload utensils from the dishwasher
● Help put away groceries
● Make their bed
● Clear the table
● Fill up the pet’s food bowl
Ages 6-7
● Sweep floors
● Set the table
● Sort laundry
● Keep their room tidy
Ages 8+
● Load dishwasher
● Vacuum
● Put away their laundry
● Make their own snacks
● Take the pet for a walk

As with anything, focus more on your child’s efforts and less on perfection. If your child is trying their best and contributing to the household chores, provide them with plenty of praise consistently. They won’t always want to do their chores, and that’s normal. Try to make it fun by racing to see who can finish the quickest, or by helping them be silly during chores. Keep it fun!

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