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Little Stories that are Worth Our Attention

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Parent and child walking hand in hand along the beach at sunset

As humans, our everyday experiences make up our lives. Often, we spend our time and attention focused on the big stories or major moments in life. Think of these like waves in the ocean, rising and falling one after another and carrying us along with them. But all the while, it’s our little stories of minor moments that capture the depth and breadth of life. These ripples are what create the shimmer and sparkle over the water that surrounds us.

Over the last few days, I made a list of a few of the little moments that made up my lived experiences.

  • Watching a swallowtail butterfly landing briefly on meadow flowers.

  • Enjoying how my son dangles a feathered toy on a stick to engage playful kittens.

  • Contemplating the phase of the moon and constellations as the night comes.

  • Inhaling the sweet smell of roses in the local rose garden.

  • Savoring a cup of Earl Gray tea with cream and local honey.

When we pay close enough attention, curiosity, wonder, awe and delight can be found everywhere at any time. And, luckily for us, parenting and teaching allow adults to bear witness to many hours of lived experiences for the children close to them.

Creating safe spaces and opportunities to observe and share thoughts and feelings shows how our everyday experiences are valued. What inspires you? What inspires your child?

To practice, make a list each day of at least ten moments that caught your attention. Some people keep a journal, fill a jar with slips of paper, or make notes. Capture your precious – and simple – observations with short stories, anecdotes, pictures, sketches, or video recordings. I invite you to gather your little moments in a way that best fits your preferences and give it a try. If it works for you, that’s great; it might work for your kiddos, too.

You can support your children’s early journaling by offering them paper and art materials to document their experiences through writing or drawn images. For very young children, adults can write down what the child dictates. The end of the day is often a great time for reflection and capturing these little moments, and it supports a positive rapport between the child and adult and builds greater capacity for connection.

Gratitude and mindfulness go hand in hand, because they’re both about raising our awareness and becoming more present to the meaningful little moments in our lives. A simple practice that we can use to support mindfulness is called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which includes taking several deep breaths and then tuning into our environment through our five senses.

First, take three slow belly breaths.

List 5 things you can SEE

List 4 things you can FEEL

List 3 things you can HEAR

List 2 things you can SMELL

List 1 thing you can TASTE

Lastly, take another three slow belly breaths.

Being grateful and present with our children is a gift for us all. Children often require us to slow down and take note of the many little moments. Perhaps the glacial pace of a fully lived moment is an antidote to the frenzied pace of modern life.

Resources

Want some inspiration on capturing the beauty of nature and cultivating gratitude? Louie Schwartzberg offers us a beautiful reflection through his story and deeply touching video images in the TED Talk on Gratitude.

To learn more about gratitude and related activities that parents and teachers can do with children and adolescents, please check out the links below.

1.     Positive Psychology shares their 20 Gratitude Exercises and Activities to Boost Well-being.

2.     At We are Teachers, adults who support elementary and middle-school children might want to explore the 36 Meaningful Gratitude Activities.

3.     Pathway to Success offers 30 Gratitude Activities for Children and Teens

 

Outdoor Family Fun

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Mother and young child sharing an affectionate moment outdoors on a country path

Although sunshine is a lovely backdrop for summer fun, many children don’t mind a little rain either. Children are usually their happiest outside, exploring among grass and trees. And while many of us adults may prefer to watch rainy days from inside, puddles usually only add to the fun for young ones. Be prepared with appropriate outdoor clothing that is durable and weather-resistant and watch the magic unfold!

There are lots of developmental benefits that come with outdoor play, making the effort worth it almost every time. The emotional, mental, physical, social, and behavioral health of children is fortified in natural settings. We see a marked increase in overall well-being, stress relief, resilience, restoration, emotional regulation, and mood enhancement when children have plenty of time outside. Their general health and immune function often improve with fresh air and sunshine. We often see children eating and sleeping better.

Active participation in outdoor play leads to better motor functioning. While staying inside on screens all day may improve kids’ gaming reflexes, time spent outside hones their real reflexes, benefiting their physical skills, strength, and coordination.

We also witness a boost to self-esteem, confidence, and agency. When children are engaged in fun outdoor activities they show heightened attention, attention restoration, memory, creativity, problem-solving, language development and executive functioning with mental control, self-regulation, and decision making. For school-aged children, academic functioning and attitudes toward school can significantly improve with more recess and outdoor experiences.

“The best classroom and the richest cupboard is roofed only by the sky,” says Margaret McMillan.

Parents and teachers often wonder how much time outside is enough. The simple answer is as much as possible. Several hours a day would be highly beneficial, and more is better. In the book, ‘Last Child in the Woods,’ author Richard Louv coined the term ‘nature-deficit disorder,’ which is a condition that may have serious implications for children who lack a connection with nature. Disconnection to the natural world has been linked to diminished sensory experiences, attention difficulties, obesity, vitamin D deficiency, increased aggression, higher rates of anxiety and depression, poor grades, reduced coping skills, higher levels of stress, and overall lower sense of well-being. In other words, time in nature is essential for health and wellness.

How can we do better? When adults place value on aesthetics, organization, thoughtfulness, provocation, communication, and interaction, children can learn a lot from being in the outdoor environment. The more care and attention paid to organizing the space

outdoors, the more this time can stimulate the imagination, creativity, exploration, discovery, engagement and sense of wonder for young children.

If you are looking for ideas, here are some ways to increase outside activity:

• Include children in gardening by planting seeds and nurturing plants, which supports their understanding of life cycles and teaches responsibility. Children may be more interested in eating vegetables that they had a hand in growing.

• Plan high-activity games with play equipment such as balls, bats, jump ropes, hurdles, tunnels, balance beams, targets, bean bags, balls, or hoops. Develop obstacle courses. Mark playgrounds with mazes, hopscotch, snakes & ladders, or other games. Support them to explore areas where they can climb, swing, move, and take reasonable risks to learn what they are capable of.

• Provide access to natural materials such as water, pinecones, stones, sticks, shells, sand, grass or flowers. Nature walks can be an engaging way to gather found treasures. Mud kitchens are hours of fun!

• Assure activities are enjoyable for the individual needs of children and adapt the spaces, as needed.

In the TED Talk, ‘The Best Kindergarten You’ve Ever Seen,’ Takahuru Tezuka shows us the benefits of designing indoor/outdoor spaces that are developmentally appropriate for young children.

Need some fun ideas to do with children? Check out the 50 Nature-based Outdoor Play Activities for Early Childhood Development compiled by Stepping Stone Childcare and Early Developmental Centers.

The Early Learning Hub of Lane County has a lot of resources at their link for Fun Family Activities & Lane County Activity Calendar.

Have fun!

Supporting Creative Expression through Process Art

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Child's hand drawing colorful scribbles with a handful of crayons

Creative activities can be a joyful experience for young children. The child can focus on creating, examining materials, and developing skills. Young children benefit from creative opportunities that allow unstructured time for exploration and self-expression. This approach encourages creativity, fine-motor development, planning, critical thinking, problem-solving, communication, imagination, emotional expression, and relaxation.

Often, the best way to encourage children to engage in process-focused art is for adults to offer a variety of materials and see what happens. Examples may include painting, sensory art activities, construction, design, clay, weaving, beads, stamps, collage, or drawing. Allow the child to come and go from their art, providing plenty of time for children to explore. For supplies, consider nature objects, recycled materials, loose parts, glue, scissors, paper, markers, paints, homemade dough, cloth, string, and other interesting materials.

Even as your young artist directs their own experience, adults can contribute by asking open-ended questions based on what they see the child doing. Open-ended questions are inquiries that do not have a simple “yes” or “no” response. Instead, they prompt children to think about their process, try to explain in their own words, and consider encouraging next steps they can to try out.

Can you think of another way?

What might you try instead?

What can you tell me about…?

What does it remind you of?

What does this make you think of?

What would happen if…?

What do you think would happen if…?

How did you think of that?

What can you tell me about the things you have?

What are you going to do with that?

Can you show me what you could do with it…?

Is there anything else you could use?

Process art is different from project art, which is adult-led, has guidelines and instructions, and usually only one outcome or final product in mind. Process art emphasizes expression, experimentation, and exploration. By providing a variety of materials and lots of time, the child can focus on their experience and create whatever they want, which is valuable for increasing confidence and autonomy.

Need some fun ideas for process art with young children? Check out what children’s librarian Jaime at LearnPlayRead offers on her website. Merri Cherry also has 50 activities for kids that you might get some inspiration from. One of my favorite activities is Play-Doh in a variety of colors. Need a recipe for a no-cook version? Check out Laura Tuck’s recipe on the Inspire My Play website.

If you are feeling left out, remember that process art is not just for littles! Try out some fun exploration with materials yourself!

“You are an explorer. You understand that every time you go into the studio, you are after something that does not yet exist.”
― Anna Deavere Smith, Letters to a Young Artist

Helping Your Child with Homework

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Mother helping her son with homework at the table

Helping Your Child with Homework

Homework is an important part of a child’s education, but it can sometimes be a source of stress and frustration for both children and parents. However, with the right approach, homework time can be a positive and productive experience. Here are some tips to help you support your child with their homework:

Preparing Your Child for Homework
Allow your child to relax and have a snack after school to recharge. Ask your child about their homework and what tasks need to be completed. Set a regular homework time that fits your family’s schedule and priorities.

Creating a Homework Environment
Set up a designated study area that is well-lit and free from distractions. Encourage your child to do their homework in a place where they feel comfortable and focused.

Encouraging Your Child
Help your child get started on their homework but avoid doing it for them. Praise your child for their efforts and progress, rather than focusing on mistakes. Encourage your child to solve problems on their own before offering help.

Dealing with Homework Challenges
If your child continues to struggle with homework, consider using a points system to motivate them. Set clear expectations and consequences for completing or not completing homework tasks. Keep track of your child’s progress and reward them for meeting their goals.

Seeking Additional Support
If your child consistently has difficulty with homework, talk to their teacher to see if extra support is needed. Focus on your child’s successes and strengths to help build their confidence and motivation.

By following these tips and providing positive encouragement and support, you can help your child develop good study habits and succeed in their homework assignments. Remember, every child is different, so it may take some time to find what works best for your child.

By The Triple P Team at Parenting Now.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program
Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P.

Supporting Young Boys so They Grow and Thrive

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Supporting Young Boys so they Grow and Thrive

We want all children to thrive in early childhood, but boys have biological and cultural differences that need special consideration. Let’s examine the unique needs of young boys, specific challenges that may arise if their needs go unmet, and positive strategies to support exploration, activities, and reduce struggles.

It is important to recognize that there is a wide range of individual differences and variation within each gender. Cultural norms and social expectations can also influence how young children behave and develop. But if we spend enough time around groups of children who are of the same age, we may observe some trends that show how the girls communicate verbally and manage their feelings sooner than the boys.

Boys may have feelings when upset that are externalized (such as impulsivity or anger) while the girls may internalize their feelings (like sadness or anxiety). You may find that the boys are busier and more physically active, take greater risks, build and destroy structures using the materials at hand, seek messy exploration, and can have a harder time sitting still. (An article by Zero to Three offers additional information on some of the interesting differences in brain development for boys and girls.)

Young boys do better when they are enjoying themselves and actively learning through play. Boys who are involved in highly engaging activities are more focused, persistent, emotionally regulated, prosocial, and able to communicate better with their friends than boys left without adequate stimulation or support. When adults follow the boys’ priorities and interests, they will witness fewer behavioral challenges and more meaningful participation in their daily activities and routines. (Stewart Brown is a pioneering researcher who tells us in his TED talk that play is more fun and necessary for physical and emotional health.)

If caregivers are committed to meeting the needs of young boys, there are many strategies that may benefit them. Here are seven effective approaches below.

1. Supporting boys’ need for active play experiences should include heavy work, open-ended materials, reasonable risk-taking, unstructured play, movement and frequent time outdoors.

2. Boys also need support for learning effective problem solving, coping with failure, safe ways for calming down when upset, maintaining good boundaries, peaceful conflict resolution, and “loving limits” for behavior.

3. Quiet and calming activities can be nurturing for young boys. Find children’s books on topics they love, play soft music, allow forts and hideaway areas, and provide varied materials for using their hands.  When a young child is stressed, we can support them through deep breathing, grounding practices that feel soothing, and designated areas to calm their body, mind, and emotions.

4. Young children need more frequent rest and refueling opportunities, which should include a well-balanced diet, clean drinking water, adequate sleep, and good hygiene for teeth and bodies, and regular medical care and developmental check ups.

5. Boys’ social and emotional needs can be supported by encouraging empathy and taking the perspective of others. Adults can cultivate a reverence for life by having boys care for plants, insects, or animals. We can offer hugs and encouragement whenever needed.

6. Young boys also benefit from close adult males who can show them through words and actions what to do, modeling expected behaviors.

7. Perhaps most of all, young boys need relationships with caregivers who provide adequate time for them, loving attention, lots of affection, and positive guidance that focuses on their strengths, needs, and interests.

Overall, young boys need trustworthy adults using developmentally appropriate expectations and positive discipline to guide them. Boys also need supportive environments that encourage them to grow in healthy ways that align with their need for autonomy and initiative. When they have these supports they can truly thrive!

Tech & Family

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We live in a digital world. Kids see their grown-ups on devices of all kinds for work, entertainment, navigation…just about everything. Many parenting struggles revolve around screen time – choosing when young children use a tablet, how to get them to stop using the device once they’re on, when to allow our children access to the internet, and when they get phones and social media accounts.

As parenting educators, we may hear about these disagreements. We listen to grown-ups asking for advice on how to enforce rules and what the rules should be. Parents often desperately seek guidance on what they should do with phones, and it may be helpful to have some tools to reference as we respond.

Build Relationships  

Adults constantly prepare our children for adulthood and model what that can look like. One of the reasons setting screen time limits is challenging is because it is so nuanced. It depends upon the family’s schedule, the child’s maturity, and the kind of technology they use. Joining online communities has excellent opportunities for children to feel connected, especially if they are part of a minoritized group.

We want our children to know what healthy conversations feel like so they can recognize when something feels unhealthy. We want families to spend quality time together, creating memories, partially so the children will be motivated to live a rich life offline. We want children to reach out and process challenges or question misinformation with adults. We have to prioritize close connections with each other, so our children know this is valuable.

Screen Time Guidelines  

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends “​​considering the quality of interactions with digital media.” They do not make specific age and time guidelines because video chatting with long-distance family for 30 minutes is a very different experience from browsing YouTube videos. Families may find it helpful to search Common Sense Media’s “Best of” lists for suggestions for games, movies, apps, etc., for various age groups.

As always, we want to work with families in a way that avoids judgment. Encouraging families to be intentional about their media use by creating a family media plan (In Spanish) may help them feel more comfortable with their expectations for each other.

Modeling healthy screen time usage will be an essential first step for families wanting to adapt their children’s usage of devices. We want to help adults prioritize enough time for sleep, physical activity, and time interacting with others in real life.

Adolescents  

A wide range of ages are included in this phase, which necessitates different strategies and responses. Seventeen-year-olds need more opportunities to make their own decisions than thirteen-year-olds. We know this age group values their privacy and independence, and we want to stay in a positive relationship with them as they develop their skills.

Encouraging families to find the balance that works for them is crucial. Each teen is different. News headlines may concern families about the possible damaging effects of social media and countries banning access for kids.

Encourage grown-ups to sit with their child in an open, curious manner and see what comes up on their social media. Algorithms promote very different content based on our demographics and viewing habits. Keep an eye out for harmful messages, including racism, fatphobia, sexism, etc. According to the American Psychological Association, these are common in gaming and social media platforms and require conversations to process.

We don’t want these messages normalized. Adults can remind teens to talk with them if they are concerned about the health or safety of someone in person or online. Adolescence is a significant time of mentorship for our teens.

Social Media & AI 

Children of all ages are increasingly more and more engaged with social media such as YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat, and more. According to the U.S. Surgeon General’s office, “up to 95% of youth ages 13–17 report using a social media platform, with more than a third saying they use social media ‘almost constantly.’” Additionally, AI tools have quickly been integrated into these spaces. These quick developments make it more important than ever to support children in being responsible and conscientious tech users.

There isn’t an easy answer to this yet. Some tips from the U.S. Surgeon General’s office in mitigating some of the harmful impacts of social media include:

  • Be cautious about what you share.

  • Don’t keep online harassment or abuse a secret.

  • Visit stopbullying.gov for helpful tips on how to report cyberbullying. If you have experienced online harassment and abuse by a dating partner, contact an expert at Love is Respect for support or if your private images have been taken and shared online without your permission, visit Take it Down to help get them removed.

  • Model responsible social media behavior.

  • Educate yourself on new technologies such as a new social media site or AI tool, especially on their privacy policies and how they protect minors’ safety and rights.

Supporting families through these challenges with an even-keeled stability will help them stay grounded. We can empathize when we listen to their struggles and notice their frustration. Reminding families there is research to help them work through decisions.

Emphasize that the main goals are for their family to stay in a relationship with each other and for the adults to mentor their children through new experiences. They can make a plan, change course as needed, and have fun together.

Resources: 

Common Sense Media

Connect Safely (Guías rápidas en español)

Growing Up in Public by Devorah Heitner

Screentime Consultant

Screentime Solution by Emily Cherkin

Tweens, Teens, and Screens (OPEC blog post)

SafetyNet: Smart Cyber Choices trainings from KIDS Center (free, in English and Spanish)

Raising Grandchildren

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I got to know a grandmother as she took over care for her grandchild. She struggled to shift into her new role as caretaker while setting new boundaries and establishing routines. She had pictured herself being the fun-loving grandparent who got to say “Yes!” to her grandchild’s whims, but realized this role needed to shift as she played the role of parent, too.

This new life as her grandchild’s caregiver was not the one she had imagined for herself. She worried about her daughter who battled with addiction. At the same time, the grandmother relished this “bonus time” with her joyful grandchild. She thoroughly enjoyed the closeness they experienced together.

A change in family dynamics can be stressful and traumatic. It may also bring relief to families during a time of stress and need.

Grandparents who step in to care for their grandchildren may have to manage adjustments in their finances, living arrangements, and energy levels. They may also need to care for and support their own adult child (if still living), or manage their grief if not. On top of all these changes are the children’s mental health needs.

As a grandparent continuing or stepping into a new role with your grandchildren, it may be helpful to acknowledge and accept all of your feelings – the ups and the downs – without shame so that you can also seek out and create moments of joy with your grandchildren.

You have an opportunity to connect with a child in a new way who will remind you of the importance of living in the present. You have raised children, and you can do it again.

These suggestions may help your new routine become more easeful with your grandchildren.

Get necessary paperwork and legal needs in order.

Look into your insurance to see about adding your grandchild or apply for state assistance (such as the Oregon Health Plan). Check medical records to ensure that immunizations, well-child checks, and preventative visits are up to date. Remember to include dental and vision appointments for the children, too.

You can apply for financial assistance through the DHS Self-Sufficiency Offices. Create a file for your grandchild with contact information for their medical team as well as Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) and others who are involved in your grandchild’s care.

Create a support team.

Think about who you can lean on when you need a break. Who do you have a trusting relationship with that can watch your grandchildren? Who can help with extracurricular events and school commutes? Who can provide emotional support for you and for your grandchildren?

In addition to these trusted friends, think about who can provide medical and emotional support that you and your family may need. Make a list of these people so you can easily lean in when you need additional support.

Communicate with your grandchild’s teachers.

You may feel reluctant to share your family situation, but teachers are familiar with all different kinds of families. Communicating your grandchild’s background will help her teachers gain insight into how they can better meet her needs at school. By beginning with an honest conversation, you demonstrate that you have your grandchild’s best interests at heart.

Attend as many family events as possible including conferences, family nights, even PTA meetings if you can. Getting involved will allow you and the community around you to support your grandchild’s time in school.

If your grandchildren are young enough, seek out Head Start for assistance. Head Start offers wraparound services for the entire family.

Be active together!

Use your grandchildren’s energy to help keep you healthy as well. Keep moving by gardening together, taking walks in the neighborhood, biking to a nearby park, and walking or biking to school if possible.

Ask your pediatrician about recommended activity goals and nutrition suggestions. It is amazing how quickly the medical and health field updates their guidance.

Realize you may need more learning about this, but you will all benefit – especially if you spend the time active and cooking together. Food Hero is a great resource with easy recipes that children can be involved in, kid-tested & approved recipes, and recipes with 5 items or fewer!

Learn about Trauma-Based Care.

Often children arrive in your home because of trauma. Family members may have different reactions to the same stress. Understanding how children develop and how trauma can impact growing bodies and brains will help you respond in a caring, supportive manner.

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network can provide helpful insight about how we react to stress and how we can care for ourselves and others who have experienced trauma. When you care for yourself, not only will you be a more compassionate caregiver, but you are also modeling important self-care strategies for the children in your life.

Reach out and connect with other families.

Find a parenting group or class in your area to help your family create community. All kinds of parents are welcome – step-parents, foster parents, and grandparents.

Your experience will be valuable to share with others. You may learn new evidence-based strategies to support your grandchild’s wellbeing and feel supported. You may find a safe place to ask questions and learn about local resources for families.

Families come in many different forms and are simply groups of people who love and care for each other. We all have an origin story and they are often different from one another’s. Be proud of your family!

Many children are being raised by grandparents or other relatives for a variety of reasons. There are agencies and resources that are in place to support you. Your situation may not be what you envisioned for yourself, but you can all learn from it and grow together. You will benefit from having close relationships with each other.

Resources

Generations United

Grandfamilies: A national legal resource

Resource Guide for Relatives Raising Children in Oregon: This guide has many practical tips for specific situations as well as links and contact information for more support (such as if the children has parent who are incarcerated, or if the children are navigating disabilities)

Webinar: Help for Grandfamilies Impacted by Substance Abuse

Books for Adults

The Grandfamily Guidebook by Adamac and Adesman

Grandparents as Parents by Sylvie de Toledo and Deborah Edler Brown

Raising Our Children’s Children by Deborah Doucette

Books for Children

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Families, Families, Families by Suzanne Lang and Max Lang

Our Grandfamily by by Sandra Werle

Sometimes It’s Grandmas and Grandpas: Not Mommies and Daddies by Gayle Byrne

Visiting Day by Jacqueline Woodson

When Kids Have Grandparents as Parents by Lauren Gould

My Grandpa, My Tree, and Me by Roxanne Troup

Sweet Dreams/Dulces Sueños by Pat Mora

Oh Baby! I’m here for you! The Importance of Forming Secure Attachments

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Secure Attachment

Infants and toddlers learn to trust that the world is safe and that they are valued through sensitive and responsive caregiving. As the parent or caregiver watches for the child’s cues to determine what they need, and responds to them promptly, consistently, and respectfully, this brings positive results for children. Everyday interactions that feel meaningful and responsive promote the development of a secure attachment with their caregiver.

Attuning to each baby requires slowing down, watching, and interacting in a loving and nurturing way.  A responsive approach may include an adult reflecting on what a child is communicating through their actions, facial expressions, and body language, and developing an awareness of how their own caregiving behaviors are meeting their developmental need for trust, comfort, wellbeing, and security. Infants and toddlers who have developed healthy attachments show happiness and affection with familiar adults, seek and accept comfort, make their needs known, express a variety of emotions, and show interest in the environment. Secure attachment in early childhood can lead to healthy relationships and a sense of wellbeing throughout life.

Insecure Attachment

Infants and toddlers experience the world through their relationships. These relationships affect nearly all aspects of their development including social, emotional, physical, intellectual, behavioral, and moral. The relationships infants and toddlers have with their caregivers play a critical role in regulating stress and organizing their internal experiences.

When interactions between the caregiver and the child do not feel consistently meaningful or responsive, or emotional and physical needs go unmet, an insecure attachment may form. This may contribute to feelings of anxiety, ambivalence, dysregulation, or fear in the child, which is a common result of unresponsive or inconsistent caregiving. If the primary caregiver-child bond does not offer protection, predictability, and safety, the child will have a more reactive stress response. Stress in a young child can impact their development in serious ways.

Signs of Distress or Mistrust

Children who lack consistent responsive caregiving may show signs of stress or display challenges in their mental processes, language development, physical health, and social-emotional development. If the child has difficulty trusting their needs will be met, they may not seek connection with adults when upset. Instead, they may shutdown or show excessive crying, or have difficulty being comforted and calming down. The child may have challenges with playing and paying attention to stories, exhibit learning delays, or withdraw. The child may also have feeding issues, sleep disturbances, physical complaints, problems with coordination and balance, and – in the extreme – show a failure to thrive. Over time, children in distress may develop more serious mental and physical health problems that are more difficult to resolve if they lack a supportive adult.

Resilience and Attachment Type Changes

Caring adults who provide a level of support, comfort, stimulation, interaction, and nurturing can play a key role in cultivating resilience and improving outcomes for infants and toddlers. Resilience is the ability to overcome adversity. Early childhood resilience research tells us that the strongest protective factor for children is having at least one relationship with a caring, responsive, loving adult. Responsive relationships are a protective factor for children and provide a sense of emotional safety and healing.

Interpersonal attachments don’t end in childhood. ‘Earned’ secure attachment is when someone develops a secure attachment later in life, despite having an insecure attachment style early on. The process of earning a secure attachment typically happens in the context of a safe and trusted relationship, which is built over time through meaningful connection.

As the American author Tom Robbins wrote, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Resources from Harvard Center for the Developing Child

To learn more about child development, stress, resilience, and attachment parenting, please check out the links below.

The Three Core Concepts in Early Development

InBrief: Resilience Series

Why Attachment Parenting Matters

 

Connection Seekers Wanted

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What are some challenging behaviors you have observed in young children? How do they make you feel? When parents and caregivers are asked these questions, they are quick to identify experiences caring for their child that seem demanding or difficult and note the feelings of stress, confusion, or overwhelm that tend to arise. How would you answer these questions?

The writer Henry David Thoreau said, “The question is not what you look at, but how you look and whether you see.”

What does that quote mean for our topic on challenging behaviors? Are we really seeing what’s going on with our child, or are we only feeling our frustration? When our own stress gets in the way, it clouds our perception, and we may react instead of respond. As we see the child more clearly, we can better acknowledge what they need and sensitively work toward meeting it. What is it that young children need most? Connection. Children need consistent, sensitive, and responsive caregiving, especially when they are upset. Each child needs an individualized approach. To better understand a child’s behavior, we can explore considerations based on their ages and stages of development and temperamental traits.

Ages & stages of development

Young children progress through their ages & stages of development from infancy, toddlerhood, early childhood, school-age, and then continue onto adolescence. Be sure to care for the whole child as they are moving through developmental milestones related to the physical, social, emotional, language, intellectual, and self-help domains. Screening for healthy development is recommended.

Each of the ages and stages come with different priorities, needs, and interests. Babies are working on their ability to trust that their needs will get met. They benefit from lots of cuddling, care and comfort by consistent caregivers, and stimulation in a protected environment. Toddlers are mastering autonomy and independence. They thrive on limited choices, safe environments to explore, and warm interactions with secure adults. Preschoolers are taking greater initiative and learning how things work. They are empowered when adults provide a caring presence that supports developing self-confidence and good self-esteem in engaging activities and investigation.

Temperament

Temperament is part of our personality and is present at birth. Temperament determines how a child reacts to experiences or to stimuli (sights and sounds), how they will regulate that reaction, and how others may react toward them. Recognizing a child’s individualized approach to the world can help caregivers anticipate and meet their daily needs. Temperamental traits include activity, regularity, initial reaction, adaptability, intensity, mood, distractibility, persistence-attention span, and sensory threshold. If we bundle some of these traits together, we may see different categories of temperament emerge. Children with Flexible temperament tend to be friendly and outgoing, adjusts easily to new people and routines, and accepts frustrations with little fuss. These children may benefit from encouragement to assert themselves, establish boundaries, and get needs met if they are too flexible. Those with Feisty temperament can react to frustration with tantrums, in constant movement, and have inconsistent routines, such as bedtime and eating. To support feisty children, provide them with consistency, predictability, support, and positive guidance. Be sure to stay calm and connected. The children who present with the Fearful or slow-to-warm temperament prefer to observe from the sidelines rather than actively participate, will withdraw from or quietly refuse new situations and people, and prefer consistent routines. Offer patience, time to adjust to changes, and reassurance when fearful.

Guiding from our values

How caregivers decide to guide and respond to their unique young child has a lot to do with their values and the long-term goals they want for that child. Imagine your child growing into an adult and consider the hopes you carry for their ultimate success and well-being.

  • What do you picture in your mind?

  • What skills, experiences, and knowledge do you envision them having as they reach adulthood?

  • Given their age and stage of development and temperament, how can you support your child in everyday moments as they learn and grow towards this cherished vision over time?

  • How can you be good models for what you want them to become?

  • How do you continue to build connection even when it’s hard?

One effective parenting practice that fosters connection during upset moments with the child is emotion coaching. The five steps of emotion coaching are:

1. Be aware of emotions (tune into your child’s feelings and your own)

2. Connect with your child

3. Listen actively

4. Name emotions (label what they are feeling)

5. Find good solutions (help them problem-solve).

Although guiding a young child through their big feelings may not be easy, the benefits of cultivating trust and connection are well worth the effort!

Building Healthy Self-Esteem in Elementary School Children

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As children grow, so does their sense of self-worth and confidence. This view of themselves, known as self-esteem, plays a crucial role in their overall well-being and success. As parents, it’s essential to nurture and encourage healthy self-esteem in your children. Here are some tips to help you promote your child’s self-esteem:

Why is Self-Esteem Important?
Children with healthy self-esteem are more likely to be happy, cooperative, successful at school, and make friends easily. They enjoy challenges, are eager to learn and cope with stress effectively. On the other hand, children with low self-esteem may feel inadequate, be reluctant to try new things and have few goals. They are also more likely to develop behavior problems and experience anxiety or depression.

How to Encourage Healthy Self-Esteem:

1. Praise Efforts and Achievements: Focus on your child’s efforts and achievements, praising them for their hard work and perseverance. Avoid criticizing their weaknesses and instead, highlight their strengths.
2. Show Your Care: Express your love and care for your child regularly. Spend quality time with them and be available when they need you. This helps them feel valued and appreciated.
3. Encourage a Healthy Lifestyle: Promote good hygiene, grooming, and regular exercise, which can contribute to your child feeling good about themselves.
4. Teach Good Friend-Making Skills: Encourage your child to make friends and be a good friend in return. This helps them develop positive social skills and boosts their self-esteem.
5. Set Achievable Goals: Help your child set realistic goals and support them in achieving them. Avoid setting expectations that are too high, as this can lead to feelings of failure.
6. Encourage Independence: Allow your child to do things for themselves and take reasonable risks. This helps them develop a sense of control and confidence in their abilities.
7. Promote Positive Self-Talk: Teach your child to think positively about themselves and their abilities. Encourage them to focus on their strengths and achievements rather than their shortcomings.
8. Help Them Manage Negative Feelings: Teach your child how to cope with disappointment and setbacks. Encourage them to try again after a failure and support them in learning from their mistakes.
9. Involve Them in Problem-Solving: Include your child in family problem-solving discussions and encourage them to come up with solutions. This helps them develop critical thinking skills and boosts their confidence in their abilities.
10. Be a Positive Role Model: Show your child how to handle challenges and setbacks with grace and resilience. Your example will teach them valuable lessons about perseverance and self-confidence.

By following these tips, you can help your child develop healthy self-esteem and navigate the ups and downs of life with confidence and resilience. Remember, building self-esteem is an ongoing process that requires patience, understanding, and consistent support from parents and caregivers.

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Triple P – Positive Parenting Program
Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

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